Random blah

The first few hours of the day weren't fantastic...but I just kept fighting the thoughts and called the right people etc and now I can breathe again. Sigh...thank you Lord. The devil wants to keep me down and I won't let him!!

I feel good

I have a LOT of accountability this time around for a new, healthy lifestyle. I have Zulma (who is my food nazi :) ) And I'll have Sharon for workouts once her team thing starts March 4th. But I started today. Did 20 min hard biking and then Zumba with the hard core teacher. I've taken so many Zumba instructors and she is one of the few who actually pushes you. I'm taking my before pics today (which ummm...no one will ever see. Well, at least until there's a nice after pic.) But man, these supplements are crazy expensive. Thank God people want to support me with that. Well, It's a nice day and I get most of it to myself so I'm happy. :)

Hmmmm hip hop

Hmmmmm...
Hip Hop
R&B

It's been such a long time since I've really gotten to dig deep into my love of hip hop. My disgust with bubblegum music has kept me much at bay. My past relationship has been a rough one. Going to the club, or just listening/dancing to it was something that was such a big part of who I was at one time. Then I heard a friend playing a song in his car and I know he only listens to Christian music so I asked if I could listen. Then that turned into like an hour of him playing all these songs that took me wayyyy back. And weirdly enough...God was healing me. This joy came back from what I love. Of course I love many types of music but hip hop was always a key holder and I had forgotten. It just made me smile and honestly I was dumbstruck. I didn't have anything to say, (which if you know me is quite rare). I almost started crying because it's just another way of how good God is. He even cares about my love for hip hop to bring it back in a beautiful way.

Sigh....praise Jesus.

The highly unexpected adventure

So here's how my highly unexpected adventure went.

I was at church, (as per the usual Friday night) But I was going to leave early to go to a spoken word event that's held every month that I never get to go to and my tia seemed to be taking forever to let the kinds play and sing (which is why I waited longer to leave.) I then get to the place and am told, "Oh dang, it's over already because there weren't a lot of people." I was like, "Seriously?" I had a feeling I'd have to read something but didn't have anything with me so maybe I'd get out of it. NOPE. Someone had a smart phone in which I could look up my blog and find something on there. I found something. I wouldn't say it was anointed or anything special. Just an amberism. Then after church I thought a group of us were going to Denny's. (The usual joint) but little by little every one leaves. THEN the real fun starts. I lock my keys in my car. Surprisingly I've never done that before. Again, I was like, "Seriously?" So my friend and his brother were scouring their car to see if they could find anything that could help but because my car is all "high-tech" the usual stuff wouldn't work. The guys were really patient though which I have to say I was surprised by because I'm used to dealing with a brother who's probably lived with me too long haha. My friend calls his gf who has AAA and who ironically, helped my brother with the same problem last year. (I had TOTALLY forgotten). God knew I needed help. I called my dad, he didn't answer. I called my brother, he didn't answer. I texted him and he responds... "Awww, try and hit up dad". AAA comes and uses his high-tech gadgetry to open my car and I haven't been so relieved in a long time lol. And I was pretty sure my friend was tired and not wanting to go to Denny's anymore but he was all for it. So I'm like, "Ok, it's not that late, let's do this". His brother said was going to meet us there. We get there and just start talking. I forgot what it's like to just have nice conversation. Especially with someone who really knows Jesus. I'm used to having to tone things down or explain myself but for once in a loonng while it was just this mutual understanding of the spirits. I'm a talker and I lovvee hear other people talk. I love hearing what's on their hearts. What fires them up and brings them passion. What God is showing them. And I got to do that while being me. Anywho, it was most definitely an adventurous unexpected night. I thank God for it.

Sappy

His eyes, they smile
His heart is big.
Bigger than I would have thought possible
His laugh is contagious
His smile, outrageous.

He is kind
He is compassionate
Loves strangers as if he's known them forever
His faith is great

He is spicy and strong-willed
Hard-headed at times
Some lessons he has to learn the hard way

But that's alright
I don't mind

Dear future husband, partner in life, best friend, confidant,

                    I pray for you. I love you even though I haven't met you yet. I thank God for you and hope  your very best. That this time apart is making us both stronger, smarter, better humans, better son and daughter of our Pappa. I hope you know what you're getting into. Well, you don't yet. But you will haha. And if you're wondering why I'd post this in the blogosphere well...I guess because I think everyone should pray and hope in their future. You're already here in the natural so why not talk to you? Well, I'm gonna go get ready to get my worship leading on. I love you.

                         -Your Girl

Random post valentine spouting

For years it's been the same
I like him, he who has no name
Because his name is taken by another

I always see it
Before they even do
These guys' eyes
Tell more than they'd like them to

Their hearts are taken
Though they don't know it
And it makes me sigh...
Because I see it.
Every time

One day it'll happen to me
I'll get the guy who doesn't yet see
But everyone else does...
And it'll be the right one

I can still do a full bridge!

So, I've been prepping myself to go back to the gym for like...a month.
I finally went today. I did the bike because well, that's my favorite. I did a good pace for half an hour and then stretched. OH HOW I MISS IT!!!!!!! Praise God I'm still flexible. It'll definitely take some consistency and time to get me back to where I was but I'm glad it's not impossible. And I tried to do a bride. When I first tried, I did it but I had a spasm in my back. I stretch some more and thought, "Let me try again." So I did and bam!!! I was like woo hoo!!! Anywho, I'm so glad I have good music to workout to. I miss working out. Well, that's kind of it. Oh yeah...

I made me and my bro Valentine's Day breakfast and he was pleasantly surprised. :) I was happy. Went to class and now I'm getting ready to go to work. It'll probably be slow because all the ladies will be out with their men haha.

Adios Amigos!

Like a popsicle on the 4th of July

So, I was able to witness a human relationship phenomena today. You know that quote from "Little Rascals" that says, "You make me melt like a popsicle on the 4th of July"? Well, I saw it first hand today. You might be thinking, "That doesn't seem that rare." Oh but it is. A lot of times people calculate  their reactions and emotions even without thinking but this one was completely uncalculated. Purely on the spot and not rehearsed. She had told me that she turns like this when talking to a special person but I didn't believe her. If you knew my friend, you would know she is pretty in control of showing how she feels and is level-headed. She picked up this phone and it was like she was in another world. I haven't seen anything quite like it!

I think I just sat there for a few moments taking in everything I had just witnessed. To many people, it might not seem like a big deal but I enjoy people. Well, let me rephrase that. I enjoy people watching. I enjoy studying people. It's a fascinating hobby of mine. And to see such a genuine display of affection was heart warming. (Despite the situation at hand).

Needless to say, it inspired me. Because I know that no matter how hard someone's heart may be or how hurt one has been, the Lord is the one who can soften it and bring that joy of life and love back into our lives.

SURPRISE!!!

So, I'm doing what I thought was going to be a mini grocery trip, aka...milk, butter, fruit, veggies...when I see these cute Valentine's Day chocolate chips. (They are red and brown :) ) And this sudden disappointment tries to come over me and I think, "Dang, I don't have anyone to have Valentine's Day pancakes with." And then the Lord says, "Get them." Now you have to understand, whenever I've felt alone in the past, He was always there with me. Like, really there. Whether it be a movie, or breakfast or a car ride or dancing.

So I get the chocolate chips and all of a sudden I get excited. "Hey! I can make a WHOLE BREAKFAST for my brother!" I used to do stuff like this for my dad but he's married now so she can handle that lol. So here I go with all my fandangled ideas. Granted I JUST got some cash for some tutoring I've been helping with and could have used it on so many other things but THIS is what I needed to spend my money on.

I bought, pancake mix, the special v-day chocolate chips, orange juice, butter, syrup and the king of all breakfast foods...bacon.

And yes, it took up all except enough gas to get me to my paycheck but it was totally worth it. I can't wait to have Valentine's Day breakfast with my brother. :) I love surprises, and I love doing something that I KNOW will make someone happy :)

Not Knowing

Do you know what the most annoying thing I've dealt with in my life is?

Not knowing.

Now you may be asking yourself...well, not knowing what?

Anything. Although there is a particular something I don't know right now that I'd lovvvvee to know but alas, will not. 

This is another area of patience that God is growing me in. 

I don't like knowing something only partially.

I like to know the whole story. 

But in my current case, this will not be possible.

I don't know if I'll ever get the full story but ya know?

It is what it is and that's all

No more

No less

Until it's time for something to change

If it ever dos

Even though it doesn't make anything less annoying

In the back of my mind I know God has me.

Nighty Night

Spiritually Claustrophobic

I realized tonight I'm beginning to have symptoms of being claustrophobic...spiritually claustrophobic. The problem with the church many times is that it tries to control what the Spirit is doing. When something awesome and new is happening, they want to keep it within their church and four walls to quote "preserve it" unquote. It makes no sense to me at all. The move of the Holy Spirit cannot be manufactured. Yes, there are things that we do that usher Him in but we should never try and "recreate" an experience with Him. He is always flowing and may move completely differently than He did the week before. There are a lot of things about the organized church and their politics I will never understand although I'm trying to. I was upset today because it was probably the last saturday night I would have free and I didn't get to spend it with friends. I spent some of it with youth which is fine but I only get to see my peers on Sunday night and unfortunately, I feel like an outcast because they attend another church. No one has said I can't go or anything but I hate this whole, dog eat dog concept. I truly believe that if you are following God's will and walking in step with Him, the people will come. And yes, sometimes the people will go. I never want to live in such a way that I depend on humans for something I know the Lord can give me. Now, if you know what church I go to, this isn't specifically about that. It's about the state of church in general.

I get claustrophobic. I understand alliance and covering and every other thing. I most definitely respect it all. I'm just asking the Lord to show me how to do things the proper way and still be able to minister with other people and reach out to the world without feeling like I'm dissing them. I'm not rebellious how I used to be and not care. I do care. That's why I'm writing and trying to pan this out. I think I just need to be bold and ask for what is in my heart because that is the only way anyone is going to know. I know my signs and symptoms and I do not want to wait until I feel like a caged animal before I do something. I need to be pro active. Think ahead. Anticipate. Just do it. Put the line and bait out there and go fishing whether or not anyone comes fishing with me. BOOM.

I sing songs

I sing songs when I'm angry
I sing songs when I'm sad
But my favorite songs I love to sing
Bring joy and make me glad

Joy is where my strength comes from
Not from wallowing in self-pity
Joy is where my strength comes from
Not from acting like I'm dead

I  sing
Songs of heartbreak
Songs of question
Songs that laugh
I sing
Songs of love
Songs of hope
Songs that laugh

I sing songs that fly
Through the tears in your eyes
Light at the end of tunnel
Will bring you around the river bend

I've never met you
But you know me
Smile and you'll see me
The glistening bird through the trees

-Amber Torres

Feb 2, 2013

Before I forget, something crazy happened. A girl I prayed for awhileeeee ago asked me a question. Now, you need a little bit of back story. When I first met her, she was having some relationship stuff and the Lord wanted to encourage her. She is now a pastor at a church. I forget which kind specifically but she's kind of a big cheese. I would comment on things on her facebook once in a while and keep telling her she can do it. Because I knew she could. But we never hang out. Like NEVER.

I get a message on Facebook and she tells me that she wants me to apply for an internship for a youth group at her church and that it pays. I was like...uhhhhh. I had to read it a couple times to make sure I was reading it correctly. Of course I knew what my answer had to be but I have to admit that it was nice that someone saw something in me to where they would even invest financially into me to do what I love.

It was on Sunday nights so I knew I couldn't do it because of work and MOST of all, because all my time and energy and everything is going into Templo El Oasis. That is my calling right now. I honestly almost forgot about it. I don't know if it's something I want to share with everyone because I know things like that can put thoughts it people's minds that were never supposed to be there. Anywho, it was flattering and makes me smile because it shows me that that time WILL come. The RIGHT time and in the RIGHT season. With the RIGHT people.