So...

Wow, how things change in a matter of a moment.

One moment this
And another moment that.

I thank God that I've never had a problem being single.
Sure everyone gets lonely once and awhile but that's normal.

I think because I'm young and haven't really experienced a lof of Amber that I really just want to be "selfish". Which really isn't selfish at all but good really. That I want to be comfortable in my own skin and own who I am and who God has created me to be rather then try and find that in someone else. Because I fell into that trap back in the day and it wasn't fun. I wasn't even Amber. Just a foggy version of her. I have learned a lot in my relatively short time here on this Earth and I thank God for it. That He's given me the wisdom to learn things from others as well as protecting me from a lot of things I could have easily done or become. What's funny is that people have no idea the struggles I go through just within my own skin. They see this goofy, smiling face who loves people but it's the girl who goes home and cries because she doesn't know what to do next or what people may think that they don't see.

He's doing a lot of healing in me. I see it. The best advice I've actually taken to heart is to KNOW...aka...not just believe in my head or have a picture of, but put into place and activate...who I am in the Lord. And having the balance of not shutting everyone out because I don't think they'll understand but giving people a chance. Not assuming what people will say or think but to just do it because I know that's what He's telling me to do.

Ask anyone I know and they'll say I'm bold. I don't know why it's easy for me to be that way when I know someone needs to hear something or the Lord is asking me to do something but when it comes to AMBER, it doubt it. And really, if I doubt his boldness FOR me that means I doubt His love and yeah, that just goes into way too much depth. It's like an equation really...and if you ask anyone...they'll tell you I hate math too. Haha

Not owning who I am in Christ = Not trusting His work = Not trusting Him= Not believing His love for me= Not accepting the Truth= Not able to grow and go where He wants to take me= Making me not able to accept love= Not able to give true love= sad waste of time because of insecurities that He NEVER put there but that I have grown accustomed to believe through a life's worth of continued disappointments through human beings who are faulty and NOT the CREATOR.

Yup. I could go on and on.

And you would think that because it SEEMS like I have a handle on the situation it would be fixed? That through ALL the times He has shown VISIBLY his MERCY KINDNESS GRACE FAVOR AND LOVE that I would be over all the lies...

I would be lying to you if I said I was. But I WILL tell you that I am working on it. NOt so much I am as much as I am ALLOWING Him to work with me.

He has a funny way of showing things to me and teaching me things. It works though.

For anyone who reads this, just know, that no matter how perfect someone's life looks, or how great and nice they seem, people are people. They pull up their pants the same way you do and they have the same God you do. It's what you CHOOSE to do with that insanely beautiful relationship that makes a difference.

You don't have to earn anything. Granted...you may feel like His love is too great for Him to just GIVE it away but He paid a price... it is difficult and you may wanna give up sometimes. Because I know I have. But look beyond what you see. He is ULTIMATELY in control. Ask Him to show you and He will.

LOVE.

Valentine's Day...

aka...

Singles Awareness Day.

So, I don't want to rant like so many other single women out there.
Well, One, because my heart isn't single
And two, it's really just another day to get fat lol

So... all these single ladies will go see a movie about valentine's day, and then eat sushi because you know what??? We are awesome and we can take ourselves out.

Wow, that's lame.

Oh freakin' well.