Rollercoaster

This month has been a rollercoaster. Emotional ups and downs. Spiritual ups and downs. Not God's fault at all. Even though I have been taking it out on him unknowingly for awhile.

I've been hurt.
And I feel like I've been lied to and forgotten but someone who meant so much to me who I never thought would do something like that. But isn't that how it usually goes. I know everyone has their reasons and there are two sides to every story.

I realized that because of what happened I looked at God and said, "Why would you show me all this and have me write so much and all this if it were going to be like this?" And that's when it hit me. It has nothing to do with God doing anything or doing nothing. It has directly to do with the ability to choose. God many times has had a direct and divine plan for me and I WAS THE ONE who decided to veer off. It doesn't mean God didn't use that time and that desert place to mold me and to teach me lessons, because that isn't how God gets down; but it means I just have to find the divine place again.

I can say I've been angry, confused, hurt, sad, angry again, confused again, and then after awhile...I realize that no matter how I feel or how rightful my feelings may be. That's not going to change the situation.

I'm not going to let the enemy use this incident to distance me anymore from my heavenly Father. I will love this person with the love of God. That's all I can do. I don't hate him. I don't wish any ill will on him. I never have and never will. I've always wanted him to be happy. I just hope next time he tells a girl he loves her that he won't freak out and run away.

I always knew it wasn't the right time.

And now I can, like I'm always used to. Be Amber and do God's will. With many lessons learned and people I love. I don't hate people anymore and I'm not bitter with the church. That's a huge leap from where I was. Haha. So kudos to me for learning some lessons. :)

And p.s.
I have a lot of questions for God when I get up there. Or maybe...it will so beautiful, it won't even matter what happened because it will be so glorious and all I'll want to do is worship the Father. :) I'm guessing the latter .

I'm excited!!!

My friend is getting married! Gahh, I've been through a lot with her and other men yadda yadda and I am truly ecstatic that these two found eachother. She deserves the best and he truly treats her like a queen. I get to read a poem or a scripture and if everything went ideally, I would love to write a poem, have her approve it, and read it at her wedding. That's a lot of pressure but if God would allow me, I will try. :) And the second best part is that I get to find a hot dress, cute shoes and makeup for the event. :) Ok, I've written about it now. Maybe when I figure out the poem, I'll make a copy on here for all of you lovely people to read.

Besos

popcorn...

Ok. I had a first today.

I was really jonesin' for some popcorn. If you know me at all, you know I LOVE popcorn. Anywho, our microwave is broken. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I google, "cooking microwave popcorn on stove". And bam, there it is. Only...one thing was missing.

I didn't think about a lid.
You would think I may have thought about the popcorn popping OUT of the pan but nope.
It went everywhere. Oil, butter, popcorn, kernals... it was seriously like a popcorn fireworks show.
I think whenever I have kids, I will show them this. (At a safe distance of course). It was in an amber kind of way... beautiful.

Sadly, I was by myself when this mini phenomena occured but at least I can share it with whoever reads this thing :)

This made my morning.

I started singing again...

The other night I picked up my acoustic guitar...(that I don't really know how to play) and just started fiddling with it. Next thing you know, I'm singing and tappin and sounding pretty good ha. At least to where one of my roommates said something. It was fun. It was free. I've been trying to figure out what style of music I'd want to sing if I did and of course, it happened when I wasn't thinking about it :)

I was going to get my fake nails back because I love them so much but I think I will just have to stick with manicures so I can keep playing guitar. I love the piano, don't get me wrong...I LOVE PIANO. But... there's something about being about to manipulate an instrument in a certain way. To make something sound EXACTLY how you feel that is mesmorizing.

Did I mention it's much easier to write whole songs too? Well, it is. :)