Feb 8th 2014

Here's the thing about going on your own. The moment my heart decided to leave my family and pursue God with Adam was one of the scariest moments of my life. Not because of Adam or because I don't trust him but because of me. Because whether I like it or not, I am and always have been prone to become a wallflower for protection. Blending in with those around me so as to not cause problems or draw too much attention to myself. This has been an issue for me my whole life. The only thing God asked me to do was to, "be myself". At the time I thought, "Ok, sounds easy enough." but it wasn't and still isn't. When you truly decide to follow the path God has for you and say "Screw you", to anyone who tells you it has to look a certain way.... it's well....hard. This is the journey I am embarking on at the moment. From the moment I started dating my boyfriend, everything around me went into a tizzy. Everything. My situation with my family and church, the way I viewed Christians, the way I viewed those less fortunate than myself, the way viewed myself... the way I related to people. Before Adam I thought that God's plan would involve the approval of all parties involved. And the truth is, that is a lie. God's plan most times will go against the grain of the religious and the prideful. They will not be able to make sense as to why I am leaving, or why I'm with Adam but that doesn't matter. And deep down I've known this but now that the Lord has made it clear, I'm much more confident.