Who are we to say what is right and wrong
Sin is anything against God
Do what we know what is truly against God?
Do we know what He means when He says He wants our whole heart, mind, soul and spirit?
There was nothing He left out there.
He sees all
He knows all
He is everywhere
All knowing
He sees our hearts
Our thoughts
He hears our words
He sees our looks
Our body language
Our everything
For us to tell something they are in sin and not be God is extreme.
The only way for someone to tell someone they are "living in sin"
Is if that person told you...
And by the way, we all sin right.
It doesn't make us sinners
It makes us people are still being refined by God's love
And the Holy Spirit's guidance.
We don't live in that sin that we used to
The day after day sinning with no hope
Not truly knowing who we are and where we came from
We have conviction now
We know of the ONE who loves us more then we could ever love ourselves...
HE KNOWS
Sunday, June 28, 2009
It doesn't feel bad.
So where to begin???
I have spent the last 2 days reveling over the beauty of true love.
Of a friend, who, like myself, has never been one to LOOK for love.
A friend who I trust and respect greatly...and now she is getting married.
And for some reason, I wanted to play down my feelings about him.
And she called me on it.
Well, actually, she asked the right question.
Someone asked me, "Are you seeing seeing someone?"
And I didn't reply the way I wanted to.
The way my heart wanted.
I sounded a disappointed
I said, "Yeah, I'm talking to someone"
My heart was hurt
But I didn't know what to do
I didn't know what to say.
I talk to my friend and she said,
"Hey, you feel how you feel, don't try and hide it...it could kill"
So I'm gonna take her advice. Not everyone needs the details.
I get excited when i mention his name.
It makes me light up.
But when something isn't and I wish it were the right time.
When I don't know how to explain it...
I just want to forget it and sigh.
I don't want to explain to people
I don't want to feel bad for loving someone
I don't want to feel like my feelings are "less than"
And now I realized, I don't have to.
I can't make people understand
And I don't have to explain details to everyone who asks
I don't feel bad for something that ISN'T bad.
I have spent the last 2 days reveling over the beauty of true love.
Of a friend, who, like myself, has never been one to LOOK for love.
A friend who I trust and respect greatly...and now she is getting married.
And for some reason, I wanted to play down my feelings about him.
And she called me on it.
Well, actually, she asked the right question.
Someone asked me, "Are you seeing seeing someone?"
And I didn't reply the way I wanted to.
The way my heart wanted.
I sounded a disappointed
I said, "Yeah, I'm talking to someone"
My heart was hurt
But I didn't know what to do
I didn't know what to say.
I talk to my friend and she said,
"Hey, you feel how you feel, don't try and hide it...it could kill"
So I'm gonna take her advice. Not everyone needs the details.
I get excited when i mention his name.
It makes me light up.
But when something isn't and I wish it were the right time.
When I don't know how to explain it...
I just want to forget it and sigh.
I don't want to explain to people
I don't want to feel bad for loving someone
I don't want to feel like my feelings are "less than"
And now I realized, I don't have to.
I can't make people understand
And I don't have to explain details to everyone who asks
I don't feel bad for something that ISN'T bad.
Monday, June 15, 2009
randommmmmm
So..how do I explain this.
It can sound so wrong and people would think...
Oh, well if you're thinking that way then you obviously have a problem. When in reality, I truly believe I'm more sane than most. Anyway, don't judge lest you be judged eh?
Ive been wondering if I could be with someone else. If I could imagine my future in a different way. With someone more "expected". Someone everyone would be like, aww that is so cute and so perfect yadda yadda yadda. And I have been coming to the same conclusion every time. Don't worry, I don't this thing often but there have been times when the old Amber would have been like, wow, this guy seems really nice, cute etc. And then ponder about that for awhile. Now, it's like. soo...this guy seems really nice and I'm sure he will make a beautiful husband to someone someday, but I have something better. That's always what it is. I know i have a choice. i get to decide what to do with my life. Whether i take the easy, less fulfilled road, just because it's easy and expected, or i take the challenging, most fulfilled road possible because really, that is the only way to really live.
Some people may wonder, well, if this is so great, then why would you even question, why would you even ask yourself these questions. And i would say, because this is not going to be a walk in the park. This isn't going to be a bed of roses, champaigne, and chocolate. Yes, that stuff will be in there somewhere but that's definitely not the point. I'm on a mission. And whoever is supposed to accompany me in my mission from god is who i need. no matter what anyone else says. I trust God. I don't have to have faith in something or someone I don't completely know or who is from earth. I get to trust in the only being that ever truly cared and who's plans, ideas and thoughts are the only ones that matter;. Ive got work to do. And if i didn't have to do it alone that would be great. :) And i won't have to. I see that now. Even though that particular area seems far away, i do believe it is closer then we think. And I don't want to get surprised.
I couldn't imagine anymore. It's not happy. It always consists of me knowing what i could have had and who i could have been with if I would have fought. And that, my dears, is truth.
It can sound so wrong and people would think...
Oh, well if you're thinking that way then you obviously have a problem. When in reality, I truly believe I'm more sane than most. Anyway, don't judge lest you be judged eh?
Ive been wondering if I could be with someone else. If I could imagine my future in a different way. With someone more "expected". Someone everyone would be like, aww that is so cute and so perfect yadda yadda yadda. And I have been coming to the same conclusion every time. Don't worry, I don't this thing often but there have been times when the old Amber would have been like, wow, this guy seems really nice, cute etc. And then ponder about that for awhile. Now, it's like. soo...this guy seems really nice and I'm sure he will make a beautiful husband to someone someday, but I have something better. That's always what it is. I know i have a choice. i get to decide what to do with my life. Whether i take the easy, less fulfilled road, just because it's easy and expected, or i take the challenging, most fulfilled road possible because really, that is the only way to really live.
Some people may wonder, well, if this is so great, then why would you even question, why would you even ask yourself these questions. And i would say, because this is not going to be a walk in the park. This isn't going to be a bed of roses, champaigne, and chocolate. Yes, that stuff will be in there somewhere but that's definitely not the point. I'm on a mission. And whoever is supposed to accompany me in my mission from god is who i need. no matter what anyone else says. I trust God. I don't have to have faith in something or someone I don't completely know or who is from earth. I get to trust in the only being that ever truly cared and who's plans, ideas and thoughts are the only ones that matter;. Ive got work to do. And if i didn't have to do it alone that would be great. :) And i won't have to. I see that now. Even though that particular area seems far away, i do believe it is closer then we think. And I don't want to get surprised.
I couldn't imagine anymore. It's not happy. It always consists of me knowing what i could have had and who i could have been with if I would have fought. And that, my dears, is truth.
Friday, June 12, 2009
I'm not comfortable
So. I have been in a battle for a long time. Be me? "Of course" you say. But is it really as easy as it sounds?
Isn't it true that the people who society would call, "crazy, eccentric, loud, boistrous, obnoxious and weird", are usually the same people who really ARE themselves. Who really have come to the conclusion that there is no point living on this earth trying to live up to or down to in some cases, rules and regulations that "society" says is appropriate. Now I'm not talking about being rude. Although, many people are taken that way. If someone doesn't respond in the way your brain has been conditioned to respond, then something HAS to be wrong with them.
I know people personally, who just because they don't freak out over every situation and don't get riled up when someone expects them to, get a title put on them. Lazy, apathetic...etc. When in reality, they just know better than most and choose to understand what is really worth the energy and what is just a waste of time.
Me for example. I go up to random people and pray for them. People automatically say, "oh, she's brave". When in reality, I'm just obeying what God asks and staying very humble...because I KNOW where my source is. But because things like that don't happen in the "norm", people want to see me as special. When in reality, I'm being what really SHOULD be NORMAL.
My favorite teachers in college thus far have been those who stay true to themselves, my english teacher, my art history teacher. They were what a lot of students said were crazy and eccentric but they were just being them. Being excited about life and not caring what we thought. I Respect that.
I really think if people weren't afraid to be who they were supposed to be, NOT being yourself would be considered, "weird". Will we ever live in a world such as this, most likely, no. But it's a nice thought. And I can do my part.
But that's why I say, is it easy? Oh, just be yourself?!
There are sacrifices both ways, you get to decide which to choose...
Going on for the rest of your life playing it safe, blending in, not being thought weird or eccentric? Or living life to the fullest, exploring YOU, seeing life for what it was really supposed to be, but be called crazy, off the rocker and weird.
I make a decision every moment of everyday.
Either I will do what I know I'm supposed to and what is true to me?
Or I do what is expected of me and what everyone else is comfortable with.
You Decide.
Isn't it true that the people who society would call, "crazy, eccentric, loud, boistrous, obnoxious and weird", are usually the same people who really ARE themselves. Who really have come to the conclusion that there is no point living on this earth trying to live up to or down to in some cases, rules and regulations that "society" says is appropriate. Now I'm not talking about being rude. Although, many people are taken that way. If someone doesn't respond in the way your brain has been conditioned to respond, then something HAS to be wrong with them.
I know people personally, who just because they don't freak out over every situation and don't get riled up when someone expects them to, get a title put on them. Lazy, apathetic...etc. When in reality, they just know better than most and choose to understand what is really worth the energy and what is just a waste of time.
Me for example. I go up to random people and pray for them. People automatically say, "oh, she's brave". When in reality, I'm just obeying what God asks and staying very humble...because I KNOW where my source is. But because things like that don't happen in the "norm", people want to see me as special. When in reality, I'm being what really SHOULD be NORMAL.
My favorite teachers in college thus far have been those who stay true to themselves, my english teacher, my art history teacher. They were what a lot of students said were crazy and eccentric but they were just being them. Being excited about life and not caring what we thought. I Respect that.
I really think if people weren't afraid to be who they were supposed to be, NOT being yourself would be considered, "weird". Will we ever live in a world such as this, most likely, no. But it's a nice thought. And I can do my part.
But that's why I say, is it easy? Oh, just be yourself?!
There are sacrifices both ways, you get to decide which to choose...
Going on for the rest of your life playing it safe, blending in, not being thought weird or eccentric? Or living life to the fullest, exploring YOU, seeing life for what it was really supposed to be, but be called crazy, off the rocker and weird.
I make a decision every moment of everyday.
Either I will do what I know I'm supposed to and what is true to me?
Or I do what is expected of me and what everyone else is comfortable with.
You Decide.
You will show yourself
What is it about forbidden love that is sooo...
exciting?
When everyone is rooting for you it is nice
But somehow, too easy?
Like something this great SHOULD be something to have to fight for.
And I suppose everyone fights in their own ways.
Whether it's with their inner selves
Or family members
Or friends
Or society
Or the "norm"
When a couple's love is so bountiful
So beautiful
So Right
That even if people want to disown it
They come to realize they are fighting their own insecurities
That's when you know
Our generation isn't the last
Our relationships aren't the same as our parents'
Our dreams aren't the same as anyone else's
Therefore
We shouldn't be judged as such
We shouldn't be looked down upon because of assumptions
Or comparisons
Let it speak for itself...
Because it will
Oh, forbidden love
As long as you are truly love
You will show yourself.
ALWAYS.
exciting?
When everyone is rooting for you it is nice
But somehow, too easy?
Like something this great SHOULD be something to have to fight for.
And I suppose everyone fights in their own ways.
Whether it's with their inner selves
Or family members
Or friends
Or society
Or the "norm"
When a couple's love is so bountiful
So beautiful
So Right
That even if people want to disown it
They come to realize they are fighting their own insecurities
That's when you know
Our generation isn't the last
Our relationships aren't the same as our parents'
Our dreams aren't the same as anyone else's
Therefore
We shouldn't be judged as such
We shouldn't be looked down upon because of assumptions
Or comparisons
Let it speak for itself...
Because it will
Oh, forbidden love
As long as you are truly love
You will show yourself.
ALWAYS.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Before You
I was in a daze
My eyes were hazy and my mind was ripe
Like apeach in the summertime
Sweet, beautiful...ready
That is what I was
And then you came
Like the storm in summer...
Unexpected but lovely
And you picked me
All of a sudden my eyes opened
And my haze turned into eternal sunshine
And my eyes burned like the fire inside
But I had to let you
I had to allow vulnerability to be
I had to have faith
Have faith that the deepest parts of my heart
Were what He wanted
And that it would come to pass as it came
The want to go back to a haze stayed for a long time
Even now it wants to creep in
But you don't allow me to
And you don't force me to realize
You are a witness who testifies
And I listen
I take to heart
And I see the truth
It's easier to not change
It's easier to stay in a daze...
The same daze you have been in all your life.
And now that you have to face it head on...
No matter how good it is to change,
Somehow taking the easy way still seems enticing
Until you purpose yourself to be different
TO ask God and allow Him to use you
To be obedient to Him
To even have an inkling of how much he Loves you
Until then...
The other side wins
I have an inkling...
And that is about all...
But that is enough for now
Enough for me to stop myself from
Staying the same...
To stop me from being everything and everyone I didn't want to be
Before you I was in a daze
Before you my eyes were all in a haze
My eyes were hazy and my mind was ripe
Like apeach in the summertime
Sweet, beautiful...ready
That is what I was
And then you came
Like the storm in summer...
Unexpected but lovely
And you picked me
All of a sudden my eyes opened
And my haze turned into eternal sunshine
And my eyes burned like the fire inside
But I had to let you
I had to allow vulnerability to be
I had to have faith
Have faith that the deepest parts of my heart
Were what He wanted
And that it would come to pass as it came
The want to go back to a haze stayed for a long time
Even now it wants to creep in
But you don't allow me to
And you don't force me to realize
You are a witness who testifies
And I listen
I take to heart
And I see the truth
It's easier to not change
It's easier to stay in a daze...
The same daze you have been in all your life.
And now that you have to face it head on...
No matter how good it is to change,
Somehow taking the easy way still seems enticing
Until you purpose yourself to be different
TO ask God and allow Him to use you
To be obedient to Him
To even have an inkling of how much he Loves you
Until then...
The other side wins
I have an inkling...
And that is about all...
But that is enough for now
Enough for me to stop myself from
Staying the same...
To stop me from being everything and everyone I didn't want to be
Before you I was in a daze
Before you my eyes were all in a haze
Saturday, June 6, 2009
da hips
I just wanted to dance.
Something about swiveling the hips
And waving the arms that makes me...
Sane.
People do different things...
pottery, yoga, pilates, cooking
I dance.
I was sitting in the car with a friend
And club music came on...
And I couldn't dance.
I couldn't be in a hot, sweaty place
With dozens of other people
Being able to have my own world...
my own moment to be alive.
I had to drive.
And here's the question I ask God.
Why do I love to dance in a way that...
A. Men love
B. "Provacative"
C. "Not appropriate"
D. Not church approved.
I am well aware of the many styles of dance.
And in any dance I'm happy...
Even ballet.
I love being aware of what my body is doing and making it do what I want
I love physically expressing something that is inside.
That's what I did tonight
I was irritated
So at midnight
I decided to sneak to my back garage
Turn on the booty music
And swing da hips
No one watching
No one there
Just me.
I do feel sexy
Even if just for myself
It is one of the best times to be a woman
Dancing is a woman using her God given womanness
To bring out her energy
Her vibe
Her sensual side...
Without saying a word
And there part of my problem lies
I don't want any man's knowledge of my sensual womanness
Except one
And he can't see that
Therefore
I refrain.
I go into my garage with a radio and dance...
For the sake of my sanity
For the sake of all that is me.
Come to think about it
I've NEVER fully danced in front of anyone
EVER.
There was always a part of me that has held back
Unless no one is around.
People think they know
But as cliche as it may seem
They have no idea.
Something about swiveling the hips
And waving the arms that makes me...
Sane.
People do different things...
pottery, yoga, pilates, cooking
I dance.
I was sitting in the car with a friend
And club music came on...
And I couldn't dance.
I couldn't be in a hot, sweaty place
With dozens of other people
Being able to have my own world...
my own moment to be alive.
I had to drive.
And here's the question I ask God.
Why do I love to dance in a way that...
A. Men love
B. "Provacative"
C. "Not appropriate"
D. Not church approved.
I am well aware of the many styles of dance.
And in any dance I'm happy...
Even ballet.
I love being aware of what my body is doing and making it do what I want
I love physically expressing something that is inside.
That's what I did tonight
I was irritated
So at midnight
I decided to sneak to my back garage
Turn on the booty music
And swing da hips
No one watching
No one there
Just me.
I do feel sexy
Even if just for myself
It is one of the best times to be a woman
Dancing is a woman using her God given womanness
To bring out her energy
Her vibe
Her sensual side...
Without saying a word
And there part of my problem lies
I don't want any man's knowledge of my sensual womanness
Except one
And he can't see that
Therefore
I refrain.
I go into my garage with a radio and dance...
For the sake of my sanity
For the sake of all that is me.
Come to think about it
I've NEVER fully danced in front of anyone
EVER.
There was always a part of me that has held back
Unless no one is around.
People think they know
But as cliche as it may seem
They have no idea.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Give Him a REAL chance
Come to me my broken ones, I will give you peace
Who else can you talk to or know that can say for a fact
They can give you peace...
No one.
That is a promise...among many
Peace is priceless
There is no price tag large enough that can do what peace does
If that were the case, then some of the most troubled people wouldn't be the ones with the most money
Peace in the midst of a sea full of trouble.
Peace knowing that faith and trust in a the higher power is what it will take
No matter who you are
No matter how you are
No matter what you are
No matter where you are
He is there
He will be there
Give Him a real chance
Don't let your chance be the church that hurt your feelings
Or the hypocritical christian who lied about you
Or the thousands of people who have been killed in the name of a god.
Give HIM a REAL chance.
Just give HIM the benefit of the doubt.
I guaruntee you will be surprised.
Because he loves surprises
And he loves his children.
All of us.
The straight
The gay
The poor
The rich
The orphans
The widows
The "nomal"
The weird
The smart
The not so smart
The pretty
The "ugly"
The ones who smell great
And the ones who haven't been able to shower in months
He loves us all
Let HIS love be your test
BEcause once you've experienced the true peace
You will never have to have the fake again.
Who else can you talk to or know that can say for a fact
They can give you peace...
No one.
That is a promise...among many
Peace is priceless
There is no price tag large enough that can do what peace does
If that were the case, then some of the most troubled people wouldn't be the ones with the most money
Peace in the midst of a sea full of trouble.
Peace knowing that faith and trust in a the higher power is what it will take
No matter who you are
No matter how you are
No matter what you are
No matter where you are
He is there
He will be there
Give Him a real chance
Don't let your chance be the church that hurt your feelings
Or the hypocritical christian who lied about you
Or the thousands of people who have been killed in the name of a god.
Give HIM a REAL chance.
Just give HIM the benefit of the doubt.
I guaruntee you will be surprised.
Because he loves surprises
And he loves his children.
All of us.
The straight
The gay
The poor
The rich
The orphans
The widows
The "nomal"
The weird
The smart
The not so smart
The pretty
The "ugly"
The ones who smell great
And the ones who haven't been able to shower in months
He loves us all
Let HIS love be your test
BEcause once you've experienced the true peace
You will never have to have the fake again.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The alien and I
The weirdest thing happened
I was existing one day and I came across an alien
But it wasn't your "typical" alien...
And really, what would make an alien "typical"?
This alien was kind, and loving and knew about the higher power
He had a bad past
Filled with things he didn't like
But I met the alien when he was turning his life around
Drastic style
I wish I could say
That the alien and I became friends...
but I would be lying.
We became best friends
For some crazy reason,
The alien could talk to me in a way he couldn't with other humans
Because they didn't understand
And I could talk to the alien about things no one ever cared to think about
No one understood the alien
People judged the alien and put names on him
But the alien knew who he was and what he was and who he came from
....
The alien and I fell in love
But it was pre-love kind of love
We weren't allowed to be together
It was forbidden
....
But the time was coming
Sooner then they thought
When the alien could show himself
And things would be right
The higher power would give His blessing
And we would start our journey...
Saving souls
Because as different as we were
And as different as our jobs would be
We would have a common goal...
....
The alien and I
I was existing one day and I came across an alien
But it wasn't your "typical" alien...
And really, what would make an alien "typical"?
This alien was kind, and loving and knew about the higher power
He had a bad past
Filled with things he didn't like
But I met the alien when he was turning his life around
Drastic style
I wish I could say
That the alien and I became friends...
but I would be lying.
We became best friends
For some crazy reason,
The alien could talk to me in a way he couldn't with other humans
Because they didn't understand
And I could talk to the alien about things no one ever cared to think about
No one understood the alien
People judged the alien and put names on him
But the alien knew who he was and what he was and who he came from
....
The alien and I fell in love
But it was pre-love kind of love
We weren't allowed to be together
It was forbidden
....
But the time was coming
Sooner then they thought
When the alien could show himself
And things would be right
The higher power would give His blessing
And we would start our journey...
Saving souls
Because as different as we were
And as different as our jobs would be
We would have a common goal...
....
The alien and I
Find Him
When will people see
When will people hear
When will people know
That the Lord is good
When will we humble ourselves
To know that alone our lives are a blink of existence
When will we find it necessary to get on our knees and...
pray
The world keeps moving
It's not gonna stop
He's moving faster and faster
And if you don't hang on
You'll be left in the dust
There is so much more to live for
We must not have blinders on
Every knee will bow
Every tongue will confess
That He is Lord
Period. The end. Done.
When will people hear
When will people know
That the Lord is good
When will we humble ourselves
To know that alone our lives are a blink of existence
When will we find it necessary to get on our knees and...
pray
The world keeps moving
It's not gonna stop
He's moving faster and faster
And if you don't hang on
You'll be left in the dust
There is so much more to live for
We must not have blinders on
Every knee will bow
Every tongue will confess
That He is Lord
Period. The end. Done.
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