Bold

I have prayed for many people. I don't know how many but a few.
Last night I went to a young adult's worship meeting and the speaker asked for us to pray for each other. I was holding a friend's hand and another girl who was close to me came over. I immediately started praying for her. I didn't try to get a word. I was just praying. I can't even remember now even if I tried. And she breaks down. She starts crying and the joy and unbelief of what was happening on her face was something I haven't seen before. I've seen people cry. I've seen people smile. But most of all, I've seen nothing in the physical. But this girl; this young girl was so grateful. So thankful that she caught me off guard and I didn't know what to do other than give praise to Jesus. The light in her eyes. The hope rekindled. She said, "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that." And I do remember saying to her, "He is never late. Just when you think you are going to crash, He swoops you right up again." I know that feeling. Of hoping you're on the right path, doing the right thing. For some sort of confirmation. What her response was is what I see in myself. This unquenchable hunger for the Spirit of God. For the glory and the power of God to flow and move through us. Nothing can satisfy that hunger other than the Creator Himself. And it's constant. It's not just one time. Or a few times. It's constant. He fills us up, He pours us out. And on and on it goes. She was a blessing to me. Reminding me of why I'm here. She said, "Thank you for being bold and saying that." I must be bold when everyone else cowers. I must say the things others only think of. If not me than who? My boldness comes from the Lord. My confidence in His love. His goodness, kindness and mercy.

Many many times

You know? You would think that after the many many many times I've put myself out there to get to know someone and being rejected I would have learned at 25 not to do so but apparently I haven't. At least at 25 I don't get emotional about it and don't have any regrets. I'm not good at just asking simple questions. If there is someone I find interesting and I want to get to know them more, I will say so. Actually, not really. Except for a few exceptions. One happened today and who knows. At least if I don't hear anything I will leave it alone and in a month probably forget. But if it is reciprocated, I will have a new interesting friend who's brain I can pick from. Either way, no harm, no foul. I suppose I'll be updating later as to the findings of my latest bold move. Apparently, bold is the word people use to describe me. I would prefer...well, I'm not exactly sure what I would prefer. I'm going to prayer on the Blvd today and then to see Les Miserables so it shall be interesting to say the least. Good evening blogosphere.

Pen Pal

I don't know what it is about winter weather that makes me all fanciful. British accents, classical music, proper etiquette, intelligent men, the theater, acting, art. All the things that have been on my mind for the past few weeks. Well, I suppose they have always been there. Dormant of course. If I've learned anything this year it's been that when you live in a world that people don't understand; be that world and they will soon grow to love it, hate it, or be done with it altogether.

There's something beautiful and simple about the way things used to be. Everyone had a job or occupation. You didn't have so many people to choose from and many times people were chosen for you. Granted, that isn't my favorite but I have to say, they learned to fall in love. Or at least come to peace with it enough to do what needed to be done. Love in their world wasn't always romantic and passionate. Many times it was out of necessity and for money. Men would fight for the woman they were interested in. Just INTERESTED. Not even having more than a word here or there to go off of. And if it didn't work out, yes you were hurt but not devastated. They weren't entitled.

Where are they? I live in a world where everyone wants everything now. Even if it isn't for their own good. Including myself. But having seen what getting what you think you want too early gets you, I'd rather wait and keep grooming and loving until that time comes. Call me old school. The idea of writing letters and courtship make me smile. The last person I asked if we could write letter back and forth said, "Why? It takes too long. E-mails are so much easier." Sigh...I don't always want easier. I want meaningful. When you read a hand-written note, you get to feel the paper. See the curves and twists of the ink. You know they hand-folded it, put it in an envelope just for you, and paid for the stamp to send it. It's a lost art. A pen pal.

Have you ever gotten something you never knew you wanted?
But when you got it, it was perfect?
You're ideas of these things you thought you wanted suddenly...
Vanish?
That this thing right in front of you is exactly what was missing the whole time?
Unexpected but beautiful
Mysterious but easy explained

In my short life I have met many a different kind of man.
All with different attributes. Mostly things I found I could never live with.
But on the rarity....the far far far and few between
You meet someone who shows you a new facet of who a person can be.
Even if that person is just on your bus for a little while
You learn enough and get to enjoy them while they're there

I used to be upset when someone left my life
Now I've learned to only hold onto Jesus and go with the flow
Never holding on to anyone too tightly
People come
People go
But God stays forever

But embrace the people who are there
And when the time comes for them to get off their stop
Smile, Bless them, and let them go

Silence...the deadly weapon.

There is a person I know
Who calls me a friend
We tried a relationship
But soon that did end
I thought it wrapped up well
No bad feelings
No bitterness
No strife
But when I needed that friend again
They were no where to be found
....
I found myself disappointed
Angry
Hurt
....
Then God spoke to me
Forgive him
Love him
He's hurt
....
So I did
....
And apologized
For something he never knew existed
....
Not a word did I hear
....
But when things are shallow
Unemotional
Surface
....
There is no problem
....
I don't understand
How friends who were so close
Could be dealt
Such a strange hand
....
I told him how I felt
Not trying to bring up old news
But trying to resolve
Resolve whatever it is
That now exists
That thing I don't know about
....
But he refuses
And I can't...
Make him talk
Or be vulnerable
Even though everything inside me
Wants my friend back
....
So i pray
And time marches on
As do I
....
Wherever you are
Your heart and mind that is
Just know that I'm always here
Get rid of that fear
God's bigger
God's greater
....
I just want to make that clear

Shout out

This isn't going to be very long but I thought I'd give a shout out...well, a silent shout out to all my service industry workers who are honest and keep it real. Every place I've gone for something and asked questions has been honest and real with me. (While not very nice sometimes). Working in retail myself I always am honest with customers and even if it wasn't what they wanted to hear they appreciate it. And I appreciate them appreciating me being honest lol. Ok, well I'm tired and full of Italian food so I'm about to take this makeup off and call it a night. Buenas Nachos blog world.

December 8th 2012

Today's been crazy. I worked from 945 to 315 then decided I needed some boots. cheap but really cute and will go with everything. I do all that and come back to the house I'm house sitting for and I turn on the tv and what do I see? the last half of The Vow. I always wanted to see it but never got around to it. And can I just say I have a love/hate relationship with oober romantic movies. This movie was just unbelievable. Not in a "I don't think that could happen" but a "really? do I need to be watching this right now?" kind of way. And the kicker of it is. It's based on a true story. That kind of love is something I pray for. In a world where everything just seems to be microwave and if something is too hard you can just give up and it's acceptable. I see examples like my grandfather and my grandmother and how I really do love my grandma but sometimes she can be so hard to deal with. And I see my 80 something year old grandfather love her with the love of Jesus. I didn't know my grandfather when he was younger. Apparently he was hot tempered. I only know the man I see now. There is a love that exists that goes beyond what we see in the natural. There are bonds that are made that are beyond our feelings. Covenants. Decisions. Being so set on a decision that come hell or high water you will not move. That is not something easily come by. But if you are willing to fight for it. I believe it is the most beautiful thing God has given us the privelage to have on Earth. That's what I'm fighting for. And I'll never give up.

the hair

You know you're super stressed and outta control when you are having an amazing hair day and you don't realize it til you get home...sigh...

of course you'd look good when I don't try.