Today was different.

For whatever reason, today was different than any other day of my life. You may say, "Well, of course it's different! No matter how many things you do that are the same everyday, there are still variations of things that happen." To that I would say that you are correct.

But still, today was different. I felt like for the first time in my life I was able to get glimpse of what God sees when He looks at me. The past 2 weeks have been a great struggle for me in me facing my insecurities and today the Lord was very honest and loving with me about what I've been trying to measure up to as opposed to what He finds important and what is important eternally. How quickly this world will pass us by and how quickly this physical beauty will fade. No matter how much I try to change how I look or do things to make them better at the end of the day I'm still me. I'm Amber. You can only sleep next to a person for so long with only looking at them until you realize how empty they are. This may seem trivial to many people but for a woman who has never felt like she fit in anywhere except with God, it means more than this world could ever give.

I know who I am and I know who's I am. I don't have to change anything about myself because the Holy Spirit is already guiding me into being the Amber God had always created me to be. Yes, I will ask for help in taking care of this physical package He has put my soul in because it is the temple where His Spirit dwells as well but I will no longer worry whether or not I'm physically attractive enough to any person on this planet. The person God will bring me will think I'm beautiful inside and out and more importantly, the one who created me already thinks I'm do die for.

Nov 6 2015

Let the handmaiden of the Lord seek to do with the will of her Master. Not the will of man, society, peers, family and most of all herself; but to diligently seek the heart of the one who rescued her out of bondage to an earthly, subordinate master of this temporal earth.