There are no shadows in heaven

I was sitting on my swing
Looking up at the stars
They sang to me
Beautiful and clearly

There are no shadows in heaven

Smiling up
I sang back to them
How beautiful it must be

All light
No dark

With no shadows in heaven

Beautiful and bright
Sweet and all delight
Harmony and Peace

There are no shadows in heaven

Keep singing to me
With your beautiful lights
You know my soul wears thin
These shadows constantly around

But my hope rests in the fact...

That there's no shadows in heaven
No shadows in heaven

A subject that can conjure up a mixed bag of emotions.

A subject that can conjure up a mixed bag of emotions.
Loving isn't always easy
Loving isn't always convenient
Loving isn't always going to put a smile on your face at the moment...
Because well, let's be honest.
Sometimes love hurts.
And in reality, the more pure the love
The less "self" there is in it.


And that's why
He loves us All The Time.
He loves us when no one else will.
He loves us when He has to put us back in our place.

As the old saying goes
Love like you've never been hurt

And if you live your life
Knowing the uncertainty of living
Loving with no expectation...
You will find love in all the right places...
Even in the most unexpected spaces

Don't put love in a box.
Because the box will never be big enough.
And boxes can be quite disappointing... can't they?

I am beautiful

I'm a beautiful woman.
There is no reason for me, no matter how grand a scheme
To hold on to someone who doesn't realize the greatness I am
Now don't get me wrong.
This isn't out of cockiness.
This is out of years of never feeling good enough
And finally realizing that I am good enough.
I am pretty enough
I am funny enough
I am caring enough.

There are just some people God puts in your life for a season.
There are people He brings to teach you something...or a lot of somethings.
I am growing a lot.
Normal Amber would just want to never have to deal with it again.
Never put myself near this person.
But it's not all about me.
God has a bigger plan.
I have too much work to do here to worry about whether someone thinks I'm worth it.

Because if they don't.
Then they are the ones mistaken.
But eh.
As they say.

My heart is aching
But my hopes are high.
I don't understand
But I will defeat.
With the help of the Big man in the sky.

I'm moving on now.

So...I haven't written for awhile

Actually, it's been since this last tiny almost life-changing event.

I don't really know how to deal with this.

You know in movies when something goes terribly wrong with a couple and maybe years down the road they meet again but one of them is about to get married to someone else? That's what I feel like would happen to me. Like yeah, there are plenty of nice good God loving men out there but they aren't the best.

And man, it's hard just being friends. Not because he isn't ridiculously easy to get along with and have fun with, more because sometimes I just want to snuggle up next to him or hold his hand and THAT is an impossibility. It's not going to happen. I might as well just get used to the idea that we aren't going to be together. Get over him. ANd move on.

It sounds so easy. So mapped out. My life has never been that way. It unfortunately takes me way to long to catch up with reality sometimes. Because I don't want to accept. I don't believe it's true. I feel like once I see him with a new girlfriend or married or something than I won't have a choice. That will be that. It will be the stamp on everything I had ever feared. There will be no going back. No crying for stupid girl reasons. There will be no wondering what it will be like if we were to be together.

I know it sounds ridiculous but that is what I need. I am to damn loyal. I stay for too long. Even if I am the farthest thing from the mind of the other person. And it's not fait. I'm beautiful, funny, loving, caring, sharing, Godly, spontaneous, musical, dorky, smart. But none of that matters. There are all kinds of other girls who probably think the same thing about their predicament. Why did this have to happen to me. What did I do to deserve this? Nothing. That's what. We are bystanders of life and either we choose to go with the flow or fight until it makes us drown. It's our choice.

I love my Lord. I trust Him with all my heart. It's not always easy because we so many times put how we trust people here on Him. When he isn't human. He knows whats best for me. And he knows who is best for me.

I'm moving on now.