Good day.

Beside not feeling good this morningish afternoon, today's been good. Chill, relaxing...interesting. I love being able to have blunt, upfront conversations with people close to me. It's nice. Especially when I know they'll still love me afterward haha. I feel like a new beginning is upon me and I'm excited for it. The world is my oyster...muahahahahahahahha. Single, not really trying to mingle, but not not trying to mingle...if that makes sense. Totally on fire for Yeshua and His plans for me. And being the crazy, goofy, weirdo amber. Oh how fun it will be :)

I hurt...

it hurts...
one second...
then the next second...
I couldn't expect anything different.

I'm waiting...

patiently for the day when a man will want me.
And only me.
I am patient
But of course, over and over again there is always someone...
Better looking
Funnier
HOTTER.

I know I am the apple of my heavenly father's eye
And I await the day when he brings the gift of that here to me on Earth.

Valentine's Day 2011

I know why I'm here.
I don't know the way I get there but I know why.
Yeshua helps me see.
I now know why.

Life is a meaningless barbie band-aid trying to keep your guts from spilling on a freeway filled with drunk 18-wheeler truck drivers.

That's if...
you don't have anyone to live for.
Anything to live for.

How many times have you known you were here for something but didn't know what.
People may have even told you that you were worthless and pointless.
I have had someone say this to me.
That the world would be better without me.

And it hurts.

Stop trying to cover up your pain with a barbie band-aid.
You know deep down inside it will only hold for a moment.
And then all go down the drain.
If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result than I know some, as well as should have been, in the insane asylum.
Someone is making decisions for you...trust that.
YOU CHOOSE who it is.

The one who will tempt you
Laugh at your demise
Then kick you when your down...
All in one swoop?

Or the one who is ALWAYS holding out His hand.
Pick you up.
Dust you off.
And despite the transgression...
welcome you with open arms.

This isn't about religion. And as much as people say that I follow up with this.

Something has to change. I don't introduce people to a dictator or religion.
I introduce them to the creator of the universe. The beginning and the end. The lover of my soul. My strength. My fortress. My refuge. My healer. My husband. The origin of all truth.
My God and His son Yeshua.

Goodbye

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back, is turned on you
Shoulda known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do.
-A fine frenzy

What the....

These feelings constrict me.
Final freedom is what I'm needing.
Don't know what I'm waiting for
Or what is taking so long

I feel like I'm in a bubble
So close the fresh air and warmth
But so far...

Wow

The ONE and ONLY year I have wanted to watch superbowl and I can't.
Apparently, I make things complicated by being an attractive woman therefore I need to stay home so no one does something stupid. Seriously? That has never happened before. Sorry I'm not ugly enough to hang out with your friends.
Do I understand? Yes. Do I think it's fair? No. I will apparently always be too something for somebody. And I should not make friends with people who are at my house or friends with their friends. Eh, it makes the world go round.


*****venting******

How is it?

How is it that someone who doesn't go to church. Believes in God but doesn't feel comfortable going to church has more tolerance for the flowing of the gifts then the people in the four walls. I was recently very vulnerable with someone and the Lord just kind of did His thing and I started laughing hysterically. They just looked at me with love and no judgement and it was so odd to me. I have been in church and they all thought I was crazy. It was honestly a beautiful experience and that person probably has no idea what an impact they made. I thank God for nights like these when He uses even the most unexpected people to show you deep things...and they don't know it haha :)

I am not...

I am not a freak.
I may not fit your typical mold
I may not speak your lingo
I may be on fire and speak with conviction
I may not follow in your footsteps

But the one I follow makes my footsteps
He directs me and guides me
There is no formula
I've tried that already and seen many fail
Use the formula HE has created for you
No one else's