April 30th 16'
I was making pancakes with a special protein mix a co-worker of mine let me have and as I'm cooking and finish up, I've had the first thought of something I don't like to do by myself. Make a delicious breakfast and eat it. Yes, I do try to eat breakfast most of the time but you know what I mean. The pancakes, eggs, bacon/sausage, orange juice kind of breakfast. I guess I just realized that a hearty Saturday morning breakfast is something you should share with someone.
Weird.
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Monday, April 18, 2016
Well...that was awkward.
So I feel the need to share this. In case anyone thinks I am turning away men left and right are first of all, NUTS and second of all...NUTS.
Today at work, I was talking to my art teacher friend who happens to be a 50 something year old woman who is amazing and my co-worker whom I am semi friends with comes up out of nowhere and asks her if she'll go to the prom with him. I'm not going to lie, I was embarrassed and then...it gets better. She says, "Oh, why don't you take Torres?"
WOW. WOW. WOW.
He gets super awkward starts saying stuff like, "Well, if you don't want to go then I guess I'll ask her." etc. I'm starting to get angry at this point because there's nothing quite like being second in line and having it play out right in front of your eyes. It pretty much stays awkward and then I see him later and say, "Please know that you don't have to..." and then before I finish my sentence he says, "Don't think I was going to buy your ticket." I play it cool and say, "Look, if we happen to be at the same place at the same time than so be it." to which he responds, "Fine". Sure enough, I e-mail the lady in charge of the prom and then all of a sudden, my boss tells me about how they need chaperones and guess who the chaperones are going to be? YOU GUESSED IT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I'm not going to lie, I'm pissed. If you wanted to be rude and make it abundantly clear that you aren't interested, which by the way, I never insinuated or said you were in the first place; then congratulations, you have proven yourself and now I can go on with my life in the way I am accustomed to.
INCREDIBLE.
Today at work, I was talking to my art teacher friend who happens to be a 50 something year old woman who is amazing and my co-worker whom I am semi friends with comes up out of nowhere and asks her if she'll go to the prom with him. I'm not going to lie, I was embarrassed and then...it gets better. She says, "Oh, why don't you take Torres?"
WOW. WOW. WOW.
He gets super awkward starts saying stuff like, "Well, if you don't want to go then I guess I'll ask her." etc. I'm starting to get angry at this point because there's nothing quite like being second in line and having it play out right in front of your eyes. It pretty much stays awkward and then I see him later and say, "Please know that you don't have to..." and then before I finish my sentence he says, "Don't think I was going to buy your ticket." I play it cool and say, "Look, if we happen to be at the same place at the same time than so be it." to which he responds, "Fine". Sure enough, I e-mail the lady in charge of the prom and then all of a sudden, my boss tells me about how they need chaperones and guess who the chaperones are going to be? YOU GUESSED IT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I'm not going to lie, I'm pissed. If you wanted to be rude and make it abundantly clear that you aren't interested, which by the way, I never insinuated or said you were in the first place; then congratulations, you have proven yourself and now I can go on with my life in the way I am accustomed to.
INCREDIBLE.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Day 14 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 14: Your life in 7 years
Well if this isn't the most in depth question/topic yet. I've always hated these questions because I never plan anything out that far. I can barely figure out what I'm going to eat for lunch on a daily basis let alone what my life may look like. Especially with the Lord, I am always trying to be careful to be where He wants me to be which at times has caused me to maybe not plan as much as I should have. Anywho, back to the topic.
7 years from now will be 2021 and I will be 36 years old. I will be married, probably have 1 or two kids. Will have made an album or two or made one with someone else. I will have learned the violin and have become fluent in reading sheet music. My life will be a daily Jesus adventure and learning process. The world, if Jesus hasn't come by then, will have grown only darker and I will be on the front lines of many spiritual battles. I will be well versed in martial arts and weapons necessary for some serious times ahead.
Well if this isn't the most in depth question/topic yet. I've always hated these questions because I never plan anything out that far. I can barely figure out what I'm going to eat for lunch on a daily basis let alone what my life may look like. Especially with the Lord, I am always trying to be careful to be where He wants me to be which at times has caused me to maybe not plan as much as I should have. Anywho, back to the topic.
7 years from now will be 2021 and I will be 36 years old. I will be married, probably have 1 or two kids. Will have made an album or two or made one with someone else. I will have learned the violin and have become fluent in reading sheet music. My life will be a daily Jesus adventure and learning process. The world, if Jesus hasn't come by then, will have grown only darker and I will be on the front lines of many spiritual battles. I will be well versed in martial arts and weapons necessary for some serious times ahead.
Day 13 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 13: Your commute to and from work/school/etc.
I have an approximately 23 to 25 minute commute to work and I love it. At first, I thought I would hate it because I was spoiled before with only a 12 minute drive but this particular drive is a pretty straight line and has beautiful scenery. I hear God very often on that drive and more clearly than in my room I think because there are less distractions. I play my Superior Study Playlist on Spotify and it always keeps me in my artistic, peaceful, calm.
I have an approximately 23 to 25 minute commute to work and I love it. At first, I thought I would hate it because I was spoiled before with only a 12 minute drive but this particular drive is a pretty straight line and has beautiful scenery. I hear God very often on that drive and more clearly than in my room I think because there are less distractions. I play my Superior Study Playlist on Spotify and it always keeps me in my artistic, peaceful, calm.
Day 12 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 12: Two words/phrases that make you laugh
1. Sphincter
2. Too deep, Torres.
1. Sphincter
2. Too deep, Torres.
Day 11 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 11: Your current relationship; if single, discuss that too
I'm single. I could go on about this topic in so many different ways but I will discuss it via my point of view right at this moment in my life right now. I'm single and content because I enjoy the freedom and peace singleness brings. I love that I get to spend time in prayer or with the Lord whenever I want and I have no other responsibilities to attend to beside work and ministry. But the Lord clearly told me I am called to be a wife. When you hear something like that and the idea of being married has freaked you out for so long, I can only speak for myself anyway; it causes me to do one of two things. Run in the completely opposite direction of marriagedom (my own word) or to look into every single, Christian male over the age of 24 and under the age of 35 as a potential partner. Now here's what is interesting. If God called me to be single my whole life, that would actually be much easier than being married to me. I understand it, it's more natural and to be frank...easier. I only want what brings God glory and I know that by being married, it is going to bring a whole new set of challenges that are going to force me to rely on God even more than I think I'm doing now. I keep telling the Lord I only want to be with Him and that He is the perfect husband and He says, "I know...and you get to be with me in glory for eternity." That pretty much slapped me in the face because this life isn't meant to just be in the glory of God. We are human and are here to do the work He has called us to and to be a light and if we aren't challenged or in the world at some point, what good is the light He has given me? I'm enjoying my singleness and feel as though I am storing up beautiful moments and memories to draw back on when the Lord asks me to be a wife and it happens in the natural and then all of a sudden my affections and worries are about him and not HIM.
I'm single. I could go on about this topic in so many different ways but I will discuss it via my point of view right at this moment in my life right now. I'm single and content because I enjoy the freedom and peace singleness brings. I love that I get to spend time in prayer or with the Lord whenever I want and I have no other responsibilities to attend to beside work and ministry. But the Lord clearly told me I am called to be a wife. When you hear something like that and the idea of being married has freaked you out for so long, I can only speak for myself anyway; it causes me to do one of two things. Run in the completely opposite direction of marriagedom (my own word) or to look into every single, Christian male over the age of 24 and under the age of 35 as a potential partner. Now here's what is interesting. If God called me to be single my whole life, that would actually be much easier than being married to me. I understand it, it's more natural and to be frank...easier. I only want what brings God glory and I know that by being married, it is going to bring a whole new set of challenges that are going to force me to rely on God even more than I think I'm doing now. I keep telling the Lord I only want to be with Him and that He is the perfect husband and He says, "I know...and you get to be with me in glory for eternity." That pretty much slapped me in the face because this life isn't meant to just be in the glory of God. We are human and are here to do the work He has called us to and to be a light and if we aren't challenged or in the world at some point, what good is the light He has given me? I'm enjoying my singleness and feel as though I am storing up beautiful moments and memories to draw back on when the Lord asks me to be a wife and it happens in the natural and then all of a sudden my affections and worries are about him and not HIM.
Day 10 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 10: A fruit you dislike and why.
Hmmm... Papaya. Maybe I just haven't eaten it enough but something about the combination of flavor and texture that always makes me skip it when in a fruit salad.
Hmmm... Papaya. Maybe I just haven't eaten it enough but something about the combination of flavor and texture that always makes me skip it when in a fruit salad.
Another one...
Well, cheers to another girl moment. At least this one no one directly involved knows about. I don't know how this happens. One minute everything is fine and then the next I somehow get convinced or convince myself that something has happened when in fact, only my mind has shifted. I really am glad that I got ahold of myself before I said something ridiculous and can salvage a friendship that is just barely a friendship...if one could even call it that. Phew.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Day 9 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 9: My feelings on Ageism
Ageism: prejudice or discrimination on the basis of a person's age.
I don't understand why the young and the elderly have to be at odds with one another. How many times young people get unfairly marked ONLY due to the fact they haven't been on the planet as many years as others. Why does the amount of time spent physically on this planet need to correlate with the validity of one's thoughts, gifts, talents or discoveries? We would all like to think that the longer you live here, the wiser you become because you learn lessons along the way but that is just not across the board truth. I know 50 something year-olds who still make the same relationship mistakes as people my age and younger. I see elderly treating and reacting to situations in ways my students handle them and my students are 7-14 years old.
And even though we can look back at history and see everyone's mistakes, we still find some need to think we are different and that we need to make our own. Why? Why this crazy thought that we are different? And by different I don't mean that we all think the same, have the same process by which we learn or process information but that at our core, we are human. Our biological functions are the same, our need to feel appreciated is the same, our desire to feel human connection is the same, our at some point trying to find out why we are here is the same. What is all of this? What is the point?
Yet, even though we are all inherently the same, each group of people thinks they are better than the other. Young people worship their youth and despise the wisdom of those who have gone before them. The elderly despise the youth because of the youth's pride, and also because we think it's wasted. The old adage "If I knew back then what I know now...". Unfortunately, the older one gets, the less useful they seem because they aren't able to physically give as much to society or their thoughts are seen as outdated. Even though one could say the same about babies, babies are human symbols of hope. Of something that hasn't been tainted or jaded and helpless to fend for themselves so we tirelessly take care to keep them safe.
What if the elderly were seen as symbols of hope? Hope of our future in heaven if you believe in that. If you don't then I could absolutely see why the elderly are despised. They are the symbol of your poor future where no one will care about you and love you even though you did and gave everything to them. To me they are hope. They by appearance, are closer to Paradise than I am and have been through this passing bus stop longer than I and have an abundance of thoughts and wisdom. Even if it's not all correct, who is??
Young or old, we are all the same. We need to treat each other with respect and dignity.
Ageism: prejudice or discrimination on the basis of a person's age.
I don't understand why the young and the elderly have to be at odds with one another. How many times young people get unfairly marked ONLY due to the fact they haven't been on the planet as many years as others. Why does the amount of time spent physically on this planet need to correlate with the validity of one's thoughts, gifts, talents or discoveries? We would all like to think that the longer you live here, the wiser you become because you learn lessons along the way but that is just not across the board truth. I know 50 something year-olds who still make the same relationship mistakes as people my age and younger. I see elderly treating and reacting to situations in ways my students handle them and my students are 7-14 years old.
And even though we can look back at history and see everyone's mistakes, we still find some need to think we are different and that we need to make our own. Why? Why this crazy thought that we are different? And by different I don't mean that we all think the same, have the same process by which we learn or process information but that at our core, we are human. Our biological functions are the same, our need to feel appreciated is the same, our desire to feel human connection is the same, our at some point trying to find out why we are here is the same. What is all of this? What is the point?
Yet, even though we are all inherently the same, each group of people thinks they are better than the other. Young people worship their youth and despise the wisdom of those who have gone before them. The elderly despise the youth because of the youth's pride, and also because we think it's wasted. The old adage "If I knew back then what I know now...". Unfortunately, the older one gets, the less useful they seem because they aren't able to physically give as much to society or their thoughts are seen as outdated. Even though one could say the same about babies, babies are human symbols of hope. Of something that hasn't been tainted or jaded and helpless to fend for themselves so we tirelessly take care to keep them safe.
What if the elderly were seen as symbols of hope? Hope of our future in heaven if you believe in that. If you don't then I could absolutely see why the elderly are despised. They are the symbol of your poor future where no one will care about you and love you even though you did and gave everything to them. To me they are hope. They by appearance, are closer to Paradise than I am and have been through this passing bus stop longer than I and have an abundance of thoughts and wisdom. Even if it's not all correct, who is??
Young or old, we are all the same. We need to treat each other with respect and dignity.
Day 8 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 8: A book you love and one you didn't
A book I love is C.S. Lewis', "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe". It was the first book I remember sparking my imagination and showed me that there are other worlds and creatures, adventures and expeditions that took me to a place beyond my abysmal world as a child. At around the age of 7 and going through some traumatic experiences, I knew there had to be more to this life than met the eye. People would lie all of the time and deceit was everywhere; especially in my home. The people who were supposed to be closest to me were the farthest and even though I had all of these things I aspired to be, I knew that finances wouldn't allow it. That was when I found reading. I could be anywhere at any time in any situation with any mood and instantly transported to a place that although wasn't always happy and many times quite grim, there was this sense of hope. Somewhere deep inside I knew that even though the bad guys seemed to be winning, that there was hope and the outcome would be glorious. I didn't know about God or Jesus at that age but that seed of otherness had sprouted and I've been an avid book reader and lover of hope every since.
I book I didn't care for were the Twilight Series. I appreciated the fact that it caused a lot of young people to want to pick up a book which I'm always thrilled to see but the writing was vague and there could have been so much more done to it. The depth of characters and plot although enough to get the point across, didn't give so much detail that you could imagine the entire world with smells and colours and relationships. Again, not a bad series; just not one I particularly cared for. And if you are wondering why I read all of them, it was because I was hoping they got better.
A book I love is C.S. Lewis', "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe". It was the first book I remember sparking my imagination and showed me that there are other worlds and creatures, adventures and expeditions that took me to a place beyond my abysmal world as a child. At around the age of 7 and going through some traumatic experiences, I knew there had to be more to this life than met the eye. People would lie all of the time and deceit was everywhere; especially in my home. The people who were supposed to be closest to me were the farthest and even though I had all of these things I aspired to be, I knew that finances wouldn't allow it. That was when I found reading. I could be anywhere at any time in any situation with any mood and instantly transported to a place that although wasn't always happy and many times quite grim, there was this sense of hope. Somewhere deep inside I knew that even though the bad guys seemed to be winning, that there was hope and the outcome would be glorious. I didn't know about God or Jesus at that age but that seed of otherness had sprouted and I've been an avid book reader and lover of hope every since.
I book I didn't care for were the Twilight Series. I appreciated the fact that it caused a lot of young people to want to pick up a book which I'm always thrilled to see but the writing was vague and there could have been so much more done to it. The depth of characters and plot although enough to get the point across, didn't give so much detail that you could imagine the entire world with smells and colours and relationships. Again, not a bad series; just not one I particularly cared for. And if you are wondering why I read all of them, it was because I was hoping they got better.
Day 7 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 7: What tattoos you have and if they have a meaning.
I don't have any. However, if I were going to get one I would get a bird. I've always been fascinated with birds and how the Lord describes taking care of them in the Bible. Birds are free to live their lives and do not worry about where anything will come from or what will happen to them. I suppose that is due to their lack of understanding but I feel as though those who don't know are free to live as they will without the burden of knowing. The more you know the more you realize how much you don't know. You are responsible for what you know and if you don't have God to take that weight off of you or you refuse to give it to Him then it can weigh very heavily. Yes, I would get a bird. To remind myself that I am free in Christ. That no matter what kind of cage the enemy, the world or even myself try to wrap me in, as long as my eyes are on Him, I am free.
I don't have any. However, if I were going to get one I would get a bird. I've always been fascinated with birds and how the Lord describes taking care of them in the Bible. Birds are free to live their lives and do not worry about where anything will come from or what will happen to them. I suppose that is due to their lack of understanding but I feel as though those who don't know are free to live as they will without the burden of knowing. The more you know the more you realize how much you don't know. You are responsible for what you know and if you don't have God to take that weight off of you or you refuse to give it to Him then it can weigh very heavily. Yes, I would get a bird. To remind myself that I am free in Christ. That no matter what kind of cage the enemy, the world or even myself try to wrap me in, as long as my eyes are on Him, I am free.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Day 6 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 6: Someone who fascinates you and why.
I have a friend who fascinates me. I know I could have picked someone of more renown but when I read this prompt one person came to mind.
He was a really close friend whom I unfortunately fell for and from that point on it's never been the same nor will it ever be but he fascinates me. Quiet, pensive, compassionate etc. So much depth I don't understand. And no, I'm not over exaggerating. I don't want to say I pride myself on figuring people out quickly but well, I do and he's the only one who even though there are parts of the puzzle that are put together, there is a whole well of soul that is fascinating. Maybe it's more fascinating because I'll never get to dive in again but I've always felt this way. I know God makes everyone special but as far as fascinating...definitely on my top 5 in my life. Although I'll never get to the end of the puzzle, I'm content in the time we did spend and that I get to know him as a human and brother in Christ.
Maybe this wasn't the most exciting answer possible for this prompt but it's the most honest at this point in time.
I have a friend who fascinates me. I know I could have picked someone of more renown but when I read this prompt one person came to mind.
He was a really close friend whom I unfortunately fell for and from that point on it's never been the same nor will it ever be but he fascinates me. Quiet, pensive, compassionate etc. So much depth I don't understand. And no, I'm not over exaggerating. I don't want to say I pride myself on figuring people out quickly but well, I do and he's the only one who even though there are parts of the puzzle that are put together, there is a whole well of soul that is fascinating. Maybe it's more fascinating because I'll never get to dive in again but I've always felt this way. I know God makes everyone special but as far as fascinating...definitely on my top 5 in my life. Although I'll never get to the end of the puzzle, I'm content in the time we did spend and that I get to know him as a human and brother in Christ.
Maybe this wasn't the most exciting answer possible for this prompt but it's the most honest at this point in time.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Day 5 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 5: A place you would live, but have never visited.
Spain. This is a strange response because when people ask me about places I'd like to travel to, Spain has never really made the list. I think I would like to live here because that is where half of my roots originally come from. I'm Puerto Rican by culture and because a couple generations lived there but my great great grandparents are from the Canary Islands and Spain. The culture is also beautiful and it is a part of Europe so I'd be closer to traveling to all the places I'd like to visit. :)
Spain. This is a strange response because when people ask me about places I'd like to travel to, Spain has never really made the list. I think I would like to live here because that is where half of my roots originally come from. I'm Puerto Rican by culture and because a couple generations lived there but my great great grandparents are from the Canary Islands and Spain. The culture is also beautiful and it is a part of Europe so I'd be closer to traveling to all the places I'd like to visit. :)
Monday, April 4, 2016
Day 4 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 4: Ten interesting facts about yourself
1. I play drums
2. I've been in a burning building
3. I thrive in dangerous/chaotic situations
4. Violin is my dream instrument
5. I'm content not being in a romantic relationship
6. The only way I remember facts long-term is if they are put to music
7. Apparently, I am easy to confide in
8. Asian food is my FAVORITE
9. Jesus is the only one I care about pleasing
10. I am more comfortable living in discomfort
1. I play drums
2. I've been in a burning building
3. I thrive in dangerous/chaotic situations
4. Violin is my dream instrument
5. I'm content not being in a romantic relationship
6. The only way I remember facts long-term is if they are put to music
7. Apparently, I am easy to confide in
8. Asian food is my FAVORITE
9. Jesus is the only one I care about pleasing
10. I am more comfortable living in discomfort
Day 3 of the 30 day writing challenge...yes, I missed yesterday.
Day 3: Your First love and first kiss
I was 17 and in 12th grade. I had never kissed a boy before nor had I ever had the desire to. I never thought I was pretty enough to be liked and my dad always warned me that boys only want one thing...and boy was he right.
I met him in P.E. class and he would never participate in anything, he was too cool. He annoyed me and looked down on him for his laziness and never thought about him before or after that class-until a friend of mine confided in me that she had a crush on him and I didn't understand it. We all ended up talking and come to find out, he had a crush on me! What? Someone picked me over another girl? I didn't care how annoying he was, all I knew was that for the first time in my adolescent life, it had seemed that I had won!
As life would have it, my family started going to a new church and lo and behold there he was...playing bass and looking as rebellious as ever but always cheerful. I don't know how he managed that but he did and the more I talked to him, the more drawn I was. He was a good guy, right? Just had a rough go at it and maybe I would be the reason for his change. Oh how naive and prideful I was to think that I could do anything about him. I gave everything to him and got a few cuddles and laughs in return. I lost my first guitar and money, dignity and self-confidence because what I allowed myself to be involved in. My first love was also my first heartbreak. My biggest lesson. That's that story- which happens to go along with my first kiss.
He and I had been dating for a little while and nothing had happened. We both were going on a missions trip to Mexico and I was super excited. 1. I love traveling 2. I was going to do God's work 3. I was going with my boyfriend
The kiss. I'm not going to lie, it's a funny story. We were in a white 12 passenger van in the very back and were leaving a work site in Mexico. It was getting dark and all of a sudden, I had the urge to kiss him. I had never kissed anyone and apparently had no shame or thought as to the other multiple people sitting in the van with us but it happened. We kissed...and the world stopped moving, my senses were awakened and I wished it never had to stop. It was beautiful. Inappropriate and poorly planned? Absolutely. But before the world told me what was ok and what wasn't, I had a sense of adventure inside of me that didn't bother with the idea that one might get into trouble. There you have it, my first love along with my first kiss.
I was 17 and in 12th grade. I had never kissed a boy before nor had I ever had the desire to. I never thought I was pretty enough to be liked and my dad always warned me that boys only want one thing...and boy was he right.
I met him in P.E. class and he would never participate in anything, he was too cool. He annoyed me and looked down on him for his laziness and never thought about him before or after that class-until a friend of mine confided in me that she had a crush on him and I didn't understand it. We all ended up talking and come to find out, he had a crush on me! What? Someone picked me over another girl? I didn't care how annoying he was, all I knew was that for the first time in my adolescent life, it had seemed that I had won!
As life would have it, my family started going to a new church and lo and behold there he was...playing bass and looking as rebellious as ever but always cheerful. I don't know how he managed that but he did and the more I talked to him, the more drawn I was. He was a good guy, right? Just had a rough go at it and maybe I would be the reason for his change. Oh how naive and prideful I was to think that I could do anything about him. I gave everything to him and got a few cuddles and laughs in return. I lost my first guitar and money, dignity and self-confidence because what I allowed myself to be involved in. My first love was also my first heartbreak. My biggest lesson. That's that story- which happens to go along with my first kiss.
He and I had been dating for a little while and nothing had happened. We both were going on a missions trip to Mexico and I was super excited. 1. I love traveling 2. I was going to do God's work 3. I was going with my boyfriend
The kiss. I'm not going to lie, it's a funny story. We were in a white 12 passenger van in the very back and were leaving a work site in Mexico. It was getting dark and all of a sudden, I had the urge to kiss him. I had never kissed anyone and apparently had no shame or thought as to the other multiple people sitting in the van with us but it happened. We kissed...and the world stopped moving, my senses were awakened and I wished it never had to stop. It was beautiful. Inappropriate and poorly planned? Absolutely. But before the world told me what was ok and what wasn't, I had a sense of adventure inside of me that didn't bother with the idea that one might get into trouble. There you have it, my first love along with my first kiss.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
April 2nd Day 2 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
Since I failed to write on April 1st, I'm making up for 2 days of writing, which is fine to me because I am getting in the groove. :)
My earliest memory.
Hmm... I guess the earliest memory I can think of is taking a picture and I was really cute. I remember driving to L.A. for acting stuff because apparently it was something I was quite interested in and I had a fun personality. I remember auditioning for a barbie or doll commercial and being so excited to be in my yellow outfit and them asking me questions and taking tons of pictures. I remember thinking that the cars on our side of the freeway were there because we all had red lights and the other side were cars with white lights. That must have been when I was about 5 or 6 because the other set of memories was from when I was 6 or 7 and weren't good. It was the time my mom was doing all kinds of crazy stuff like chopping my hair off to look like a boy, locking me in my room because I didn't want to eat an apple and hearing her have steamy sex in the shower with a 16 year old from our youth group...but no one wanted to know that right?
It's crazy how some of the most vivid memories one has are usually the ones that scarred you the most. I think we naturally try to put these behind us but if a question like this is asked, one might be forced to deal with them. I'm to thankful God found me and that Jesus along with His Holy Spirit healed me of my bitterness, anger, sexual confusion and so many other things. In case you were wondering, my mom didn't talk to me for 20 years and then "found me" and e-mailed me. I was very angry at first but I have a clear view of what our situation is and I pray for her often. We have a lot of things in common her and I.
My earliest memory.
Hmm... I guess the earliest memory I can think of is taking a picture and I was really cute. I remember driving to L.A. for acting stuff because apparently it was something I was quite interested in and I had a fun personality. I remember auditioning for a barbie or doll commercial and being so excited to be in my yellow outfit and them asking me questions and taking tons of pictures. I remember thinking that the cars on our side of the freeway were there because we all had red lights and the other side were cars with white lights. That must have been when I was about 5 or 6 because the other set of memories was from when I was 6 or 7 and weren't good. It was the time my mom was doing all kinds of crazy stuff like chopping my hair off to look like a boy, locking me in my room because I didn't want to eat an apple and hearing her have steamy sex in the shower with a 16 year old from our youth group...but no one wanted to know that right?
It's crazy how some of the most vivid memories one has are usually the ones that scarred you the most. I think we naturally try to put these behind us but if a question like this is asked, one might be forced to deal with them. I'm to thankful God found me and that Jesus along with His Holy Spirit healed me of my bitterness, anger, sexual confusion and so many other things. In case you were wondering, my mom didn't talk to me for 20 years and then "found me" and e-mailed me. I was very angry at first but I have a clear view of what our situation is and I pray for her often. We have a lot of things in common her and I.
April 2nd- Day 1 of 30 Day Writing Challenge
April 2nd 2016
I've been itching to write again but never know where to start. I've been journaling a lot. Mostly prayer and talks with God that I want to look back on or for others to look at if I'm not here. I found a 30 day writing challenge and decided to post them each on this blog. :)
Day 1: Five Problems with social media
I know a lot of people have strong opinions about social media but I'll tell you my problems with it based on the issues I've had personally.
Time. You see the blinking blue light on your phone and it's like the sea witches calling you to doom. You know you shouldn't check it because you will be on there much longer than you think but you can't help it because someone might have said something funny or witty to you or responded to something you thought was super deep; only to find out that yes, they commented but it totally broke your concentration of what you were doing in that moment. Next thing you know, you've been perusing through your feed (along with other people's you have never met) for an hour before you realize what time it is.
Distraction. I used to use my phone for the Bible at church and realized quickly how easily it is for me to swipe and see what someone else is doing when I should be focused on studying and learning about the Word of God. There have been MANY times I was in the middle of praying, practicing music, reading etc. when that little itch crept up on me and broke the focus I was in...therefore making me practically start over what I was doing. Even as we speak, my phone is in the other room for this EXACT reason.
Call to action? As much as people mean well by sharing posts about things they deem important, what is that really going to do? Is me sharing a post about martyrs in the Middle East going to have any effect in the natural or in the spirit realm to help them or give them strength? No. Awareness is only beneficial if it causes one to go into action. Otherwise we are just like many others in this country who feel bad for a second and then move on to whatever else catches our attention at the moment.
Laziness. Lazy. Instead of finding out if something is true for myself, many times I've been guilty of reading something that LOOKS as though it came from a reputable source but ended up being old information or straight false. We are taking in "information" so quickly that we can only filter so much properly. Instead of writing our own poems or stories, creating our own works of art, music etc. we have an entire world of these things at our fingertips that I honestly believe makes us feel like we have nothing to contribute...or maybe it's just me.
Thinking? This kind of goes along with the laziness but I mean, Come on, who needs to think for themselves or read books for themselves when we can read everyone else's comments and opinions about them? These people are smarter than me right? I'm not going to waste my time doing to work and critical thinking for myself when everyone else already has. This has and is creating a generation of people who are like mockingbirds, they only repeat what they see and hear. Even though I know it is very rare, or impossible to have an idea about something someone else already hasn't thought of; it doesn't mean that someone has heard it or that you shouldn't put the effort in to dive deeper into that idea. A idea that came into your head even if it already existed, is special because of YOU. Your frame of reference, YOUR world view etc.
Too many "friends" not enough RELATIONSHIPS.
I have currently 354 friends on Facebook. I used to have 1,000 but it was for business purposes. Ask me how many people I talk to or meet with on the daily...um...I have a good, solid 10 people I talk to and those people rarely even communicate via social media with me. So what is the purpose? To feel important? To let everyone know how brilliant this thought was I had? Basically. I have wrestled with the idea of deleting my FB account and the ONLY reason why I haven't is because of events and information about local ministries and the ability to communicate with girls who have found me and wanted to talk. Even then... I really don't like it. My level of self-control isn't great when it comes to just checking and then shutting it off. My relationships are people I text, call, visit and even e-mail. That's my circle. If I got rid of my FB all the people I actually come into contact with would still be able to communicate with me because we have ties outside of the internet.
What do YOU think 5 problems are with social media?
I've been itching to write again but never know where to start. I've been journaling a lot. Mostly prayer and talks with God that I want to look back on or for others to look at if I'm not here. I found a 30 day writing challenge and decided to post them each on this blog. :)
Day 1: Five Problems with social media
I know a lot of people have strong opinions about social media but I'll tell you my problems with it based on the issues I've had personally.
Time. You see the blinking blue light on your phone and it's like the sea witches calling you to doom. You know you shouldn't check it because you will be on there much longer than you think but you can't help it because someone might have said something funny or witty to you or responded to something you thought was super deep; only to find out that yes, they commented but it totally broke your concentration of what you were doing in that moment. Next thing you know, you've been perusing through your feed (along with other people's you have never met) for an hour before you realize what time it is.
Distraction. I used to use my phone for the Bible at church and realized quickly how easily it is for me to swipe and see what someone else is doing when I should be focused on studying and learning about the Word of God. There have been MANY times I was in the middle of praying, practicing music, reading etc. when that little itch crept up on me and broke the focus I was in...therefore making me practically start over what I was doing. Even as we speak, my phone is in the other room for this EXACT reason.
Call to action? As much as people mean well by sharing posts about things they deem important, what is that really going to do? Is me sharing a post about martyrs in the Middle East going to have any effect in the natural or in the spirit realm to help them or give them strength? No. Awareness is only beneficial if it causes one to go into action. Otherwise we are just like many others in this country who feel bad for a second and then move on to whatever else catches our attention at the moment.
Laziness. Lazy. Instead of finding out if something is true for myself, many times I've been guilty of reading something that LOOKS as though it came from a reputable source but ended up being old information or straight false. We are taking in "information" so quickly that we can only filter so much properly. Instead of writing our own poems or stories, creating our own works of art, music etc. we have an entire world of these things at our fingertips that I honestly believe makes us feel like we have nothing to contribute...or maybe it's just me.
Thinking? This kind of goes along with the laziness but I mean, Come on, who needs to think for themselves or read books for themselves when we can read everyone else's comments and opinions about them? These people are smarter than me right? I'm not going to waste my time doing to work and critical thinking for myself when everyone else already has. This has and is creating a generation of people who are like mockingbirds, they only repeat what they see and hear. Even though I know it is very rare, or impossible to have an idea about something someone else already hasn't thought of; it doesn't mean that someone has heard it or that you shouldn't put the effort in to dive deeper into that idea. A idea that came into your head even if it already existed, is special because of YOU. Your frame of reference, YOUR world view etc.
Too many "friends" not enough RELATIONSHIPS.
I have currently 354 friends on Facebook. I used to have 1,000 but it was for business purposes. Ask me how many people I talk to or meet with on the daily...um...I have a good, solid 10 people I talk to and those people rarely even communicate via social media with me. So what is the purpose? To feel important? To let everyone know how brilliant this thought was I had? Basically. I have wrestled with the idea of deleting my FB account and the ONLY reason why I haven't is because of events and information about local ministries and the ability to communicate with girls who have found me and wanted to talk. Even then... I really don't like it. My level of self-control isn't great when it comes to just checking and then shutting it off. My relationships are people I text, call, visit and even e-mail. That's my circle. If I got rid of my FB all the people I actually come into contact with would still be able to communicate with me because we have ties outside of the internet.
What do YOU think 5 problems are with social media?
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