Spiritually Claustrophobic

I realized tonight I'm beginning to have symptoms of being claustrophobic...spiritually claustrophobic. The problem with the church many times is that it tries to control what the Spirit is doing. When something awesome and new is happening, they want to keep it within their church and four walls to quote "preserve it" unquote. It makes no sense to me at all. The move of the Holy Spirit cannot be manufactured. Yes, there are things that we do that usher Him in but we should never try and "recreate" an experience with Him. He is always flowing and may move completely differently than He did the week before. There are a lot of things about the organized church and their politics I will never understand although I'm trying to. I was upset today because it was probably the last saturday night I would have free and I didn't get to spend it with friends. I spent some of it with youth which is fine but I only get to see my peers on Sunday night and unfortunately, I feel like an outcast because they attend another church. No one has said I can't go or anything but I hate this whole, dog eat dog concept. I truly believe that if you are following God's will and walking in step with Him, the people will come. And yes, sometimes the people will go. I never want to live in such a way that I depend on humans for something I know the Lord can give me. Now, if you know what church I go to, this isn't specifically about that. It's about the state of church in general.

I get claustrophobic. I understand alliance and covering and every other thing. I most definitely respect it all. I'm just asking the Lord to show me how to do things the proper way and still be able to minister with other people and reach out to the world without feeling like I'm dissing them. I'm not rebellious how I used to be and not care. I do care. That's why I'm writing and trying to pan this out. I think I just need to be bold and ask for what is in my heart because that is the only way anyone is going to know. I know my signs and symptoms and I do not want to wait until I feel like a caged animal before I do something. I need to be pro active. Think ahead. Anticipate. Just do it. Put the line and bait out there and go fishing whether or not anyone comes fishing with me. BOOM.