We never see ourselves the way others see us.

The other day, a student who I've known for a few years and went to church with walked up to me during the day and said, "I know what your problem is." Now, to preface this statement a couple days before I had asked him what it is that was wrong with me. This might sound strange to ask a teenage boy but we've had many great conversations and we could be great friends and we are quite honest with each other. He would give me an honest answer. So far this year, the consensus has been that I am intimidating or that I'm a woman. Well, yes I'm a woman and I believe the only reason why I may come across as intimidating is because I know who I am and what I will and will not put up with. Anyway, I respond to his statement with a quizzical look on my face and "What is it?" He said, "Nothing." I was more confused and asked..."Nothing?" He expounded. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with you and because of that you're too much too handle." I think my jaw dropped. What? There are so many things wrong with me if you only knew. I kind of stuttered and responded..."Umm...thank you?" And he walked away.

There's nothing wrong with me? I think it's more of the idea that there are so many things wrong with me and I'm so honest about them that people see me as though it's all together which is absolutely not the case.

And then today, I was talking to a former student who believes he is average in life etc. and the same as everyone else and I hate when people say that because well, I believe we're all the same if you break it down. Yes there are different personalities which showcase different areas of us but we all have the same emotions and feelings but portray them and deal with them in different ways. I didn't tell him all of that but I did tell him my opinion and I said, I believe I'm the same as everyone else. And he said, "No, you're not." to which I replied, "I really am though, I'm just me." And he said, "Exactly, that's what makes you different." So you're saying that because I am not afraid to be who I am that THAT is what makes me different? "Exactly."

Wow. After 29 years of fighting to be like everyone else because I hated rejection, I finally came into the knowledge that it is by me being who God created me to be that will draw the right people to me and leave the ones out that don't belong there or are there for a season so He can use us both as tests and lessons for one another.

All of this to say. We never see ourselves with the same mirror as others do. If I were to truly believe the things people said about me, I don't think I would be the same person. My insecurities or better yet, my knowledge of my fallenness in relation to the KNOWING of what Jesus has done for me and that it's only because of Him that I am truly myself that I am anything remotely who I've always wanted to be at all. I know many people don't understand it but with God, you are closer to being your true self than you ever were out in the world where they want everyone to conform to their expectations.