I don't know what happens...

Why is it that friends are so hard to find? At the age of 26 it definitely is easier to have friends as women because well...we've learned to semi stick together. But on the other hand, girls get ravenous because they are all looking for that one. That one guy they've been praying for and dreaming of since they were 7 years old. Every single, good-looking, seemingly Godly man who walks past them or raises their hand is a potential. Don't get me wrong, I've been there as well. Even now, I have to stay aware of my feelings. But every day I'm learning to trust HIM more and more. That anything Amber tries to do in her own strength is utterly going to fail. But girls, I'm just myself and I have never been someone to assume jealousy as a trait people had with me. Because to assume that people are jealous of you is arrogant. But someone admitted it to me. Confessed it to me. I was shocked. Utterly shocked. But this feeling of not being liked because I wanted to be good. To do my best. That's been there since the beginning of my memories. It started with my mom. And I'm glad that God's gone through that healing process with me. This is the first year I've been confident to pursue the dreams that have been in my heart no matter what. I just want to do what God Himself put me here to do. I'm still on a journey of discovering all that entails but I'm content in the direction of life. I don't want anyone to be jealous. Because anything good I have. Anything beautiful people see in me. It's only from ONE source. God. My Father. My creator. My first love. Nothing good comes from me. That's what I want people to see. I want people to see the beauty of God in me. The glory of God. That they would want to be closer to Him because of me. Not pay attention to me.

Anywho, let's get back to the topic of today. Friends. Guys? Forget about it. The only friends that are easy to have are ones who are in a relationships. Ok, that sounds weird. Let me explain ha. When you know a guy's girlfriend and her boyfriend, it is a clear cut line. Nothing fuzzy. Nothing grey. Black and white. Clear lines. When a guy isn't in a relationship, things can get...messy? I mean unless there isn't ANY thing there (which does happen), it's hard. I want to be friends. Genuinely get to know them. But it never quite works out that way. And well...I'm ok with that. Well, I guess I'm GETTING ok with that.

Life is short. Love the ones who are in it.