I got it...

So, I was scheduled to work 5 hours today but ended up working 8. It may not sound like a big difference but it really is, I didn't know what to do. So I went home and ate because I was oober hungry. Then I watched a movie and all of a sudden was getting that blue feeling again. So I decide to work out. Yes I've been working out 6 days a week for a little over a month now but I really didn't feel like it. I was exhausted. And while I'm working out I start to cry. Granted there are a lot of tears I haven't cried yet because I just don't know how to but that's a whole other story. And then I realized...that's why people get obsessed with working out!! It's control. It's that no matter what else is going crazy in your life or who is or isn't in it the ONE thing you can control is yourself and your body and push it as far as you can. That eating/not eating, working out/not working out are all decisions that I get to make no matter what. That being overweight/obese and unhealthy is just as much of a decision as getting off my booty and eating clean, working out and being healthy!!! Eating crap seems easier at the time because it's right in front of you but when you look in the mirror and don't see the best version of yourself you know there can be, or you make an excuse as to why it's OK to have another piece of cake... (because I deserve it) or any of the other number of excuses I've made as well as millions of others and when you get mad at "those girls" for being able to wear super cute clothes or bathing suits that you would only dream of wearing that's YOUR CHOICE. Don't be mad at those girls because they control what they eat. Yes it can get out of hand just like over eating you can under eat or throw up what you just ate but I'm talking about within reason. There is a girl I know who works at a place where she has to stay a certain weight and she works out EVERY DAY and watches what she eats so she can do that. Sure at first I thought she was superficial but you know what? That takes self-control. Perseverance. Something I have lacked or thought I lacked for a lonnnnnggg time. I'm over it. People will hate on you because you're too fat, they'll hate on you because you're too skinny, they'll hate on you because you don't dress like them or because you do dress like them. Who gives a crap?! At 26 I can finally say I'm finding the Amber I was always supposed to be. Since people are going to hate anyway, why not let them hate on the best version of myself. The version God intended me to be.