3-18-13

I don't know what it is about foreign films I love so much. Yes, it's the enchantment of another language I need written words to understand. But it's more. The lifestyle of people outside of this country, the things they deem important and not important seem real to me. I feel like living in such a prosperous country where we are worried about having the latest cell phones and being nosy with social media and taking pictures of our daily lives and putting them for the whole world to see is something....strange. I've been guilty of all of these things. But the longer I live, the less important all those things seem. Yes, take the pictures, enjoy every day of life. But there is something to be said about discovering new things. Now days you can bring up a virtual library and search out any fact, place or person you want and SOMETHING WILL COME UP. I think that takes the enjoyment out of  adventure. The joy of finding something out because you stumbled upon it. Stumbling upon people. Now there are virtual pages where you can meet your "soul mate". My father being one of those people.

I'd like to say I'm a "modern woman" but to be truthful, I am a traditionalist at heart. My heart yearns for things in order. The way they best work. I am an artist. That is where I take my liberty. I take my liberty in my singing, in my playing, in my dancing, in my writing. But even that is expected. No one wants to see or hear the same voice or dance over and over again year after year. But there are things that were meant to be in a certain way because that is how life best works. Life isn't easy. Life is difficult. God created order in the Earth for a reason.

I have found that every time I have attempted to do things the "modern" way I come up a failure. Unhappy. But when I am who God created me to be. A support, a bringer of joy, an artist, a worshipper...that is when I am most useful. Most at peace. Most like Him. My whole life everyone has told me that I need to get a career and not depend on a man for anything because you never know when they are going to leave. I should do THIS or THAT until THIS or THAT. And I have been working since the age of 14. The same kind of job. I don't regret any of it. I have learned more hard-knock lessons and how to be kind to people than I ever would have not working. I have learned how to be responsible and not make excuses. I have learned compassion and perseverance. I've learned what I'm gifted at and what I am not. And I will not apologize for things I am not. I will not apologize for who I am.

I am who I am. Whether you agree or not isn't something on my mind. I've spend too many years being a people-pleaser. Or better yet, a father pleaser to waste any more time. It's time to hone in on my gifts. Spend the countless hours I've lost doing what everyone else said I should do and spend them on what I  KNOW is mine.

My best years are ahead of me. I wouldn't want to younger for all the money in the world. You couldn't pay me to go back in time and change anything. And for that, I'm grateful. For that, I'm thankful. And I am thankful that if the best way for the good Lord to speak to me is through films in another language, then so be it. If it takes a taste of reality... REAL reality. Not this "reality tv" nonsense this culture is obsessed with but REAL reality, then so be it.

I don't know what it is about foreign films I love so much. Yes, it's the enchantment of another language I need written words to understand. But it's more. It's real.