December 15th 2009

Sometimes we really think we know someone…
And then come to find out, we ended up just knowing a character.
Like in our favorite movie, we look up to some people because of who they played in the movie and then when we met them in real life, we find out they’re nothing like we thought.

There are people I have known for years and still things about them shock me, and I’m sure there are people who have known me for a long time and the feeling is mutual. But I think what I am more talking isn’t so much little things about our close friends and whatnot, but big things.

I have people I know personally who have been in relationships with people who they would have never thought had the problems and issues they did. And as I was talking to a friend of mine last night, suddenly the truth came to me.

It isn’t that these people changed, it’s that we chose not to see the truth.

Think about it. Anyone out there who has been in a relationship and was “suddenly” blown away by that person's news
or action or reaction, be honest with yourself for a second. I mean really honest. No one is looking at you or judging you or even watching your reaction as you read this. Be honest. Were there things at the beginning of your relationshihp with this person that didn’t add up? Were there things that really bothered you or you had questions about but ignored or forgot about? Things that if you were on the outside looking in, you would never allow? The answer is yes.

And believe me, I have done this very well myself. And as bad as I wanted to blame the other person for doing me wrong,Years later, I had to come to the fact that all the red signs were there from the beginning. If I would have just trusted my gut and not let my feelings get in the way, I could have prevented a lot of heartache. Years of heartache.

But I take it as a lesson learned. Lots of lessons learned. The best advice he ever gave me was, “Before you get into any relationship, be yourself first.” And oddly enough. It really struck me. And as you can see, it still does to this day. Because it’s the truth.

I say all of that to say this. I’m not anti-relationship, and I’m not a pessimist. I’m just a person that believes with all her heart that everyone, man and woman deserve not just mr. or mrs. Right but mr. or mrs. Phenomenal. Not perfect. No one is. It’s about the journey God puts us on. How we handle life. What we do with the things we have put ourselves in. Paying the consequences for our past mistakes and making the best out of them. THAT is what phenomenal is. Finding someone in this life who is passionate, loving, responsible, selfless and above all, loves God above everything and everyone else. And in turn, those of us who want that in someone have to be pursuing that same thing.

Find the balance between grace, mercy, love, and truth. Yes all of those should go hand in hand but sometimes, especially as a woman, we tend to give a little more here and there but remember what love truly is. What grace really means. And that God is the only one who can give the abundance of mercy and gracewe truly need. Love doesn’t spare the rod. Remember that ignoring a problem doesn’t mean it isn’t there, it just means you aren’t willing to admit there is one. And the longer that goes on, the harder it is in the end. Take it from a young woman who learned her lesson…

Peace Love and the Caramel Brulee