June 22, 2016

Now is the time to put up or shut up. Since I've been here, I've seen people who have given up everything that is comfortable and all they knew to pursue their calling in Christ no matter what anyone else thought or said about it. They were convinced that this is what Jesus has called them to do. I have been of the mindset that I am that person as well. That a normal white picket fence 2.5 kids kind of life just wasn't for me and that I was inherently raised to live a life on the edge of spontaneity. Then I have the choice to make. I have a flight that I can take that leaves tomorrow and start packing/getting rid of stuff and give away so many of my books I've accumulated over the years, and possibly two pieces of furniture that have dear sentimental value. I would give my keyboard away and see if I can sell my drum set to the school.  

There's the other thing. I have so many people who love me where I'm at. It's the most comfortable place I've ever been in my life but still helps me grow in compassion. But look at the word I used...comfortable. Being comfortable is bothersome to me. I feel less connected to the people when I have a steady place to put my head all the time and no one else at homes seems to understand that. Everyone says, God wanted to bless you so he gave you this place to live (The most beautiful but most stressful place I've lived in since being back at home) and you don't always feel like you need to suffer or have less just because you're a Christian. At this point, I would beg to differ. At least in my personal walk. Maybe one day something will change but my priorities are not to get a degree, get married, work a job and have babies so that I fulfill some sort of societal norm. My heart is set on seeing souls saved, delivered and set free through the fire of the Holy Spirit and the truth of Jesus Christ. If I stay, it doesn't mean that the Lord won't be with me because He always will but I've always prayed for the most and unless I'm willing to take a crazy leap at some point, then is my faith really valid? Am I truly believing that my God is bigger than my comfortable state.