The New Season

Sigh...

Every year after my birthday I wish it was fall again. From mid August to April is really my favorite time of the year. Don't get me wrong, I love my summer tan and rolling beach waves but how I love the fall and wintertime even more so. It's August 7 2010. It's been quite the year. A lot of changes. Mostly uncomfortable ones but really...how do people expect to get anywhere if they aren't challenged right? Anyway, I have left a church I was attending for 2 years. I left a job I was at for a year to take a good paying temporary job to become "unemployed", relationships have changed and been challenged, my perspective of the physical world has been greatly moved, and my relationship with my husband, Jesus Christ, and His Father, are an actual relationship...not a set of rules.

Not to mention...I cut my hair to my shoulders earlier this year...by the constant wearing of a friend. Hated that, but good to know that I did it and wasn't afraid to take a risk. And now it's growing out again and a beautiful dark plum color. No bangs... I think I'll forget bangs this winter...we'll see.

So now that we're all up to date. I'm 23 living at home with my pops, brother, and old worship leader...oh yes, and my cat coraline...who has been called gato more than Coraline I'm certain. I just recently got hired at the new Macy's that's opening up in our local Mall, I'm attending a new church, have very close relationships with my few familia. And when I say familia I mean, the family that isn't technically blood but you would never know by being with us. People always think we're related.

My bestest friend is still in Texas bless her soul. Lannie. Fighting the good fight of education and life.

For me and my blood. Things have actually gone forward this year. Due to God making it abunduntly clear to me that my communication skills were lacking to say the least. After I knew where that stemmed from I was able to and am still working toward almost, over communicating...and I say almost because I don't think I'll ever be the type of person to openly divulge all kinds of things unless you are special to me. And not just blood.

I have grown a lot. I know I say that every time this year comes around but it's really true. I've visibally seen God's hand in my life and in my actions, reactions, emotions, lack of emotions, decisions, humor, perspective...everything. I love Him so much that He is all I want to please. He is worthy of my praise and my life. And as He knows, I've given it to Him.

I've also realized what I guess you could say... demographic of people I want to reach. The streets. Now everything makes sense but if you're reading this and you know me, you also know that I haven't been the most decisive of people. Afraid to make decisions actually, never totally knowing if God was in it or not. Not about this.

I've been wanting to move to New York for years. Never knew why, I've never been there. Hear both horrible and wonderful things about it. But nevertheless, still want to be there. God gave me Ezekiel Ch2. As my call. He basically tells Ezekiel that he isn't going to a place with foreign language because they are ready and willing to hear about the true God, He is sending Ezekiel to his own people...the Israelites. Who God kept calling a "rebellious people". I don't know of any state in the country known for it's attitue and anti agape behavior than the east coast. God told him that they're hearts were hard but that He would make Ezekiel just as tough to speak the words God would give him. God told Ezekiel not to worry about being in the briar and thorns because God would protect him. And that Ezekiel was not to become rebellious like the Israelites so that he would hear the voice of the Almighty.

And that was it for me. I never thought I was called to something "normal" or "status quo". And I say that will ALL RESPECT. Because it wasn't until recently that I realized that my frustration with other believers or people who say they want to see change in the world and don't do "more" is ignorant. Many are called but few are chosen. I'm not better or more spiritual then anyone else and I don't necessarily love God more then someone else, my calling is just different from someone else's that's all. Some people were meant to BE a teacher or youth pastor or librarian and that's exactly where they're supposed to be and we need EVERYONE to do their part. I just thought that if I thought big like I do, why doesn't everyone else. I just didn't understand. Now I do.

I want to talk to the guys who just finished robbing a liquor store or who were on their way to get their next fix. I want to talk to the girls who are on the streets trying to make their way in the only way they know how. I want to talk to young kids who only see violence and killings, and gunshots and death and drugs to where that's all they've ever known and possibly all they will ever know. I want to talk to them. I want to love them. Show them that there IS ANOTHER WAY. That the sins of your fathers don't have to dictate your destiny. You'll have to fight for it. But that's a much better fight than being beautiful creation and selling yourself short. That's what I want to do. With the arts. With dance, with music, even with painting.

So that's my update people. I love you all even I've never met you or will ever meet you.

Besos.

-orangelillypad