May self-realization

I'm always overanalyzing. Trying to predict what is going to happen before it does. Don't get me wrong, in the long run I usually am right. But it's the in between that doesn't have to be so harsh. I put so much pressure on myself to be a certain way that sometimes it's just overwhelming. I have young people looking up to me for a better way than the world. I'm not God. But I'm trying to be the best representative I can be. And this week... I'm just tired. I don't want to say I'm performing because I'm not. Everything I do really does come from the heart. I just need balance. The truth is, it's been so long since I've just gone with the flow that I don't really even remember how to. One of my biggest fears is making a bad decision that will affect me for the rest of my life. Of getting out of God's plan. And you know what He said to me last night? Amber, don't you trust me? That no matter what happens I will be right there? That you don't have to walk on eggshells and be so careful that you miss living and learn the lessons from those things?

I want to live. Of course I want to live for God.  I am so imperfect and flawed and I wish I could tell them that living this picture perfect life is what is going to make them closer to God but I can't. He has protected me from so much and I thank Him every day for that. But I am NOT religious. I don't say what everyone wants me to say the way they want me to say it and I don't do what everyone expects me to do. I'm just trying to live my life for the Lord and bring people hope. Whatever that looks like. Being religious makes you judgmental because you aren't happy with who you are and when someone else is doing something maybe not even bad but that you wouldn't do because of what it COULD be, you secretly get angry and that comes off as judgment. Where that other person is just being who they are. In reality, they are being more honest.

There's a reason why Jesus tried to make things simple. He doesn't want us to live a life out of fear or "this is what a good Christian would do." He said, Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, soul, mind and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself.

And you know what? All of the other things we are supposed to be will happen naturally. Because we accept God's unconditional love for us and then we can't help but want to love Him back. And we love others because we know what it is like to not be loved. And we at least I, feel like I owe it to anyone I meet to give them a loving perspective of the God who's loved me through everything. That's where I come from.