Dishonest

I don't know how people do it. Well, maybe I do.
It's just been a long while.
To not care how someone feels...
Or as they would say,
"It isn't a big deal"
I don't remember what it's like
To be dishonest
Maybe only dishonest with myself
Now, don't get me wrong
I didn't say I didn't lie
I said "dishonest"
There's a difference
When people have a motive
When all they can see is what
THEY will get
No matter what kind of scar they leave
That's dishonest.
And yes, it includes lying.
Sometimes, well...most times
People don't think about repercussions
I can't have that sort of thing linger above my head
And my memory isn't good enough to hold all the strings
So I try and just avoid it all together
But some people...
Don't know what it's like to live an honest life
That they don't have to be someone they aren't to be accepted
It takes a lot to be honest
But not just honest. Honest in love.
All of our deepest fears come to life
Before a stranger's eyes
And being honest almost makes you
Want to die.
It's not worth it.
I'd rather spend a lifetime of people being confused
About my honesty
Than 20 minutes leading someone in a dishonest way.
I can't have that sort of thing linger above my head
The person I'm most dishonest with is myself
And even then...
It doesn't last long.
Avoiding the mirror of truth
Will only last as long as you want to stay in the same place
And THAT....
Has never been something I'm interested in.
As the famous saying goes,
"Everyone dies but not everyone lives"
Don't let fear of people, rejection, judgement
Control your life
I did
And letting go
Was the best decision I've made