I'm currently sitting on my bed typing this right now and although I want to go to sleep, my soul knows there is so much to pray for and intercede for and I know that until I am obedient in prayer and spending time with the Father, my sleep will be restless. I could pray all night if the Lord wills it and He will give me sufficient rest and energy for the next day. I love Him so much. I guess that was all I had to write about. Life is definitely in an interesting place but I am soaking in every minute of it and still in constant awe of His goodness.
Sweet Sleep to whomoever reads this.
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Today was different.
For whatever reason, today was different than any other day of my life. You may say, "Well, of course it's different! No matter how many things you do that are the same everyday, there are still variations of things that happen." To that I would say that you are correct.
But still, today was different. I felt like for the first time in my life I was able to get glimpse of what God sees when He looks at me. The past 2 weeks have been a great struggle for me in me facing my insecurities and today the Lord was very honest and loving with me about what I've been trying to measure up to as opposed to what He finds important and what is important eternally. How quickly this world will pass us by and how quickly this physical beauty will fade. No matter how much I try to change how I look or do things to make them better at the end of the day I'm still me. I'm Amber. You can only sleep next to a person for so long with only looking at them until you realize how empty they are. This may seem trivial to many people but for a woman who has never felt like she fit in anywhere except with God, it means more than this world could ever give.
I know who I am and I know who's I am. I don't have to change anything about myself because the Holy Spirit is already guiding me into being the Amber God had always created me to be. Yes, I will ask for help in taking care of this physical package He has put my soul in because it is the temple where His Spirit dwells as well but I will no longer worry whether or not I'm physically attractive enough to any person on this planet. The person God will bring me will think I'm beautiful inside and out and more importantly, the one who created me already thinks I'm do die for.
But still, today was different. I felt like for the first time in my life I was able to get glimpse of what God sees when He looks at me. The past 2 weeks have been a great struggle for me in me facing my insecurities and today the Lord was very honest and loving with me about what I've been trying to measure up to as opposed to what He finds important and what is important eternally. How quickly this world will pass us by and how quickly this physical beauty will fade. No matter how much I try to change how I look or do things to make them better at the end of the day I'm still me. I'm Amber. You can only sleep next to a person for so long with only looking at them until you realize how empty they are. This may seem trivial to many people but for a woman who has never felt like she fit in anywhere except with God, it means more than this world could ever give.
I know who I am and I know who's I am. I don't have to change anything about myself because the Holy Spirit is already guiding me into being the Amber God had always created me to be. Yes, I will ask for help in taking care of this physical package He has put my soul in because it is the temple where His Spirit dwells as well but I will no longer worry whether or not I'm physically attractive enough to any person on this planet. The person God will bring me will think I'm beautiful inside and out and more importantly, the one who created me already thinks I'm do die for.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Nov 6 2015
Let the handmaiden of the Lord seek to do with the will of her Master. Not the will of man, society, peers, family and most of all herself; but to diligently seek the heart of the one who rescued her out of bondage to an earthly, subordinate master of this temporal earth.
Monday, October 5, 2015
October 5, 2015
I don't quite have a title for this post mostly because I haven't yet decided what I'm going to put in it. There is so much...
Over the last 2 months I've been introduced (as you can see from my previous post) to a group of people who are not just having a "Bible study" but actually own and USE dictionaries, concordances, commentaries etc. Why is this important? Well, because we come from an Americanized mindset and don't have all the facts or knowledge to always properly breakdown scripture. We are not scholars in Latin or Hebrew nor do we have the word bank that the writers of the Bible had nor the proper context. It really is beautiful and I've grown so much in such a short time. Thank you Lord.
In the middle of all this change in my life, I've had the privilege of meeting up with a friend to start praying. When we started it was mostly listening to sermons and worship music and just basking in the presence of the Lord and feeling His broken heart for the people and also feeling His love. It one day turned into a, "Hey, we should start praying during the week." So we did. We had no idea what we were doing except that we wanted to seek His face and only do what He wanted us to do and pray the way He would want us to pray. So again, we spend time in the word and we would walk around Palmdale and pray in the Spirit or talk or both and then get the Word out. We began understanding that the purpose of our praying was to begin breaking down and soaking the atmosphere with the Word of God and calling out the demonic strongholds that are over this Antelope Valley. We soon realized that we needed a battle plan but didn't know what that would look like and to be quite honest, are still in process. My prayer partner had the idea of learning how to pray straight from the Bible. Now I know this would seem like a DUH moment, but when you've heard so many people pray or THINK you know, going back to the root and the Son of God Himself is the ONLY place to start a foundation.
I feel like that's what is happening. A foundation of something that will last far beyond me or my prayer partner. That our names would be forgotten and only the name of Jesus would remain after we are gone. This place that has been called barren, the armpit of California, the black hole, a wasteland and one of our cities, Lancaster as the #1 most stressful city in California with Palmdale being #5 will be called a place where the Spirit of God dwells. A place people go to find peace and rest in the one true God. It will become an Oasis for anyone who is spiritually dry to come drink from the fountain of Living Water.
That is what we are asking God for. We are asking God for THIS land. For THESE people. Right NOW. It has already begun.
I've been a part of UYA or United Young Adults for the past 2 months and started going to the prayer before service and have already seen a drastic change in the format and focus of the sermons and services. Last night there were two speakers I know are seekers of God and the sermon was truth spoken in love and they prayed for the infilling of the Holy Spirit to empower those who already had a relationship with Christ.
That is the first time in I don't know how many years I've seen it. It wasn't this crazy rolling around emotional moment but a sweet, sincere answer to the call of becoming ambassadors of Christ. I just prayed and sat in awe of what was happening right before my eyes. The little prayers of us as individuals, the consistency and steadfastness to not let go of this vision until it comes to fruition was barely even touching the surface in this church service. I sat with my friend and said, "This is it, this is how it starts."
Now we need to keep praying, keep seeking, keep yearning and learning or else this will be just another flicker of a flame and then die out like all the rest. We will not give in and we will not give up. This is only the beginning. I already understand that it won't be easy and that there will be many obstacles, the years of death that has been spoken over this place and the people in it and our own flesh getting in the way of what God is wanting to do.
Over the last 2 months I've been introduced (as you can see from my previous post) to a group of people who are not just having a "Bible study" but actually own and USE dictionaries, concordances, commentaries etc. Why is this important? Well, because we come from an Americanized mindset and don't have all the facts or knowledge to always properly breakdown scripture. We are not scholars in Latin or Hebrew nor do we have the word bank that the writers of the Bible had nor the proper context. It really is beautiful and I've grown so much in such a short time. Thank you Lord.
In the middle of all this change in my life, I've had the privilege of meeting up with a friend to start praying. When we started it was mostly listening to sermons and worship music and just basking in the presence of the Lord and feeling His broken heart for the people and also feeling His love. It one day turned into a, "Hey, we should start praying during the week." So we did. We had no idea what we were doing except that we wanted to seek His face and only do what He wanted us to do and pray the way He would want us to pray. So again, we spend time in the word and we would walk around Palmdale and pray in the Spirit or talk or both and then get the Word out. We began understanding that the purpose of our praying was to begin breaking down and soaking the atmosphere with the Word of God and calling out the demonic strongholds that are over this Antelope Valley. We soon realized that we needed a battle plan but didn't know what that would look like and to be quite honest, are still in process. My prayer partner had the idea of learning how to pray straight from the Bible. Now I know this would seem like a DUH moment, but when you've heard so many people pray or THINK you know, going back to the root and the Son of God Himself is the ONLY place to start a foundation.
I feel like that's what is happening. A foundation of something that will last far beyond me or my prayer partner. That our names would be forgotten and only the name of Jesus would remain after we are gone. This place that has been called barren, the armpit of California, the black hole, a wasteland and one of our cities, Lancaster as the #1 most stressful city in California with Palmdale being #5 will be called a place where the Spirit of God dwells. A place people go to find peace and rest in the one true God. It will become an Oasis for anyone who is spiritually dry to come drink from the fountain of Living Water.
That is what we are asking God for. We are asking God for THIS land. For THESE people. Right NOW. It has already begun.
I've been a part of UYA or United Young Adults for the past 2 months and started going to the prayer before service and have already seen a drastic change in the format and focus of the sermons and services. Last night there were two speakers I know are seekers of God and the sermon was truth spoken in love and they prayed for the infilling of the Holy Spirit to empower those who already had a relationship with Christ.
That is the first time in I don't know how many years I've seen it. It wasn't this crazy rolling around emotional moment but a sweet, sincere answer to the call of becoming ambassadors of Christ. I just prayed and sat in awe of what was happening right before my eyes. The little prayers of us as individuals, the consistency and steadfastness to not let go of this vision until it comes to fruition was barely even touching the surface in this church service. I sat with my friend and said, "This is it, this is how it starts."
Now we need to keep praying, keep seeking, keep yearning and learning or else this will be just another flicker of a flame and then die out like all the rest. We will not give in and we will not give up. This is only the beginning. I already understand that it won't be easy and that there will be many obstacles, the years of death that has been spoken over this place and the people in it and our own flesh getting in the way of what God is wanting to do.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Well, it's been a long time...
So it's the middle of August 2015 and after logging back in I realized how long it's been since I last posted! Kind of an update (in case you care), I am single again and the Lord is so good. I won't go through all the details of that crazy train I was on but let's just say I'm in a MUCH better place now surrounded by people who see gold in me and me in them. I'm actually around like-minded people now...what?! Yeah, I'm not the weirdo who thinks Christian philosophy or learning about the Bible is weird, the Lord brought those people straight to me. I am so blessed.
There is always this picture my mom gives to me. We are always holding onto this ragged teddy bear because it's cozy, comfortable and it's been there for so long we don't know what we would do without it. But here comes Jesus, and He has a HUGE teddy bear, you know the kind, the giant one every girl wants her man to win for her. :) But the only way we will get that giant teddy bear is if we give up the comfortable one we have. We can't see what Jesus is holding for us but it's the faith and trust to know that He is always good that will hopefully eventually win us over into giving that up.
I gave up my old teddy bear and am now slowly starting to embrace a giant overly stuffed, soft as can be teddy bear and I'm loving every second of it. I am still healing from the hurt and insecurities I carried with the last bear but God is so patient that He just keeps being there no matter what. Insecurities and fear come from a place of imperfect love and if I continue to stay in the perfect love of Christ, eventually all those things I started dragging with me along the way will start to drop off. :)
I am blessed. I am joyful. I am ready to embrace the giant teddy bear.
There is always this picture my mom gives to me. We are always holding onto this ragged teddy bear because it's cozy, comfortable and it's been there for so long we don't know what we would do without it. But here comes Jesus, and He has a HUGE teddy bear, you know the kind, the giant one every girl wants her man to win for her. :) But the only way we will get that giant teddy bear is if we give up the comfortable one we have. We can't see what Jesus is holding for us but it's the faith and trust to know that He is always good that will hopefully eventually win us over into giving that up.
I gave up my old teddy bear and am now slowly starting to embrace a giant overly stuffed, soft as can be teddy bear and I'm loving every second of it. I am still healing from the hurt and insecurities I carried with the last bear but God is so patient that He just keeps being there no matter what. Insecurities and fear come from a place of imperfect love and if I continue to stay in the perfect love of Christ, eventually all those things I started dragging with me along the way will start to drop off. :)
I am blessed. I am joyful. I am ready to embrace the giant teddy bear.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Revival
These thoughts are just things that have been on my heart and I thought maybe I'm not the only one who's dealt with or dealing with this.
I keep reading about everyone talking about "revival revival is coming revival is coming, Lord bring revival". To be quite honest I was irritated. You have to understand, I've been hearing about revival since I was a little girl. It was in worship songs, sermons, prayer meetings...everything.
This morning, all I could think about was revival. What does it really mean? And in all of the "famous" revivals what were the common factors? The first one I thought of was the Azusa Street Revival. I had read about the miracles and how different denominations had branched from there but never knew exactly how it started. It turns out, it was started by a black preacher named J. Seymour and started just meeting in homes. When they had gotten too full, they were able to move to 312 Azusa St. All nationalities were coming, whites, hispanics, asians...and all different religious backgrounds could be found in the congregation because of the what the Holy Spirit was doing.
This was NEW NEWS to me! Funny how when we only believe what people want to tell us how much gets left out. I was so excited. There was so much Holy Spirit moving that local journalists would attend the meetings/services and write articles about what was going on. One observer said, "No instruments of music are used. None are needed. No choir- the angels have been heard by some in the spirit. No collections are taken. No bills have been posted to advertise the meetings. No church organization is back of it. All who are in touch with God realize as soon as they enter the meetings that the Holy Ghost is the leader."
Now I understand that at this point people will be saying, "God is a God of order....etc." And I COMPLETELY AGREE with you. What I find fascinating is that the preacher (at least from the different sources I've read), didn't have any agenda other than to bring the power of the Holy Spirit and lead people to the love of Jesus. Seymour even told his congregation, "Do not talk about the gift the tongues but talk about Jesus." That's it.
Now I know there are always things that are hidden and whatnot but I'm looking at this purely through the fruit it produced.
I could talk about this much longer but I'll save you my rant. (Ok maybe just a little more) I truly believe we need to BE REVIVAL and stop waiting for some sort of lighting from Heaven. God uses the hands and feet of His people to get things done. If we keep asking for revival when we are at church but are living our daily lives contrary to that asking then what good are we really? The whole purpose of revival is to renew, refresh, to bring life. If we are expecting the miraculous power of God to move shouldn't it start with our daily lives? Shouldn't we be looking in the mirror and asking God to revive US? Because let me tell you something, when YOU are revived and on fire for God, you can't help but glow to those outside. They don't know what it is that's different about you but YOU do. I truly believe that when we as believers decide to make a radical change in OUR own lives, the overflow with leak from us to the people we come into contact with and THAT is when revival will happen. That is when God will say, "Ok, let's do this". We aren't waiting on God, He is waiting on us. Christians who have been christians for years but have lost the flame will again find their First Love. The churches will be filled with Spirit-filled people of God who don't want to change the world because they are "supposed to" but because the love of God and His spirit are so beautiful and amazing that they can't help but want to BE the good news. We need to stop expecting God to do everything for us and take our authority in Christ seriously and realize our identity in Him. God is about taking us from the scum of the earth, loving us unconditionally sooooo much that we can't help but love Him and obey in return, us be filled with sooooo much genuine love that it pours out on others and so the cycle continues.
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Jesus really made it simple, people. We are the ones who make it complicated.
I keep reading about everyone talking about "revival revival is coming revival is coming, Lord bring revival". To be quite honest I was irritated. You have to understand, I've been hearing about revival since I was a little girl. It was in worship songs, sermons, prayer meetings...everything.
This morning, all I could think about was revival. What does it really mean? And in all of the "famous" revivals what were the common factors? The first one I thought of was the Azusa Street Revival. I had read about the miracles and how different denominations had branched from there but never knew exactly how it started. It turns out, it was started by a black preacher named J. Seymour and started just meeting in homes. When they had gotten too full, they were able to move to 312 Azusa St. All nationalities were coming, whites, hispanics, asians...and all different religious backgrounds could be found in the congregation because of the what the Holy Spirit was doing.
This was NEW NEWS to me! Funny how when we only believe what people want to tell us how much gets left out. I was so excited. There was so much Holy Spirit moving that local journalists would attend the meetings/services and write articles about what was going on. One observer said, "No instruments of music are used. None are needed. No choir- the angels have been heard by some in the spirit. No collections are taken. No bills have been posted to advertise the meetings. No church organization is back of it. All who are in touch with God realize as soon as they enter the meetings that the Holy Ghost is the leader."
Now I understand that at this point people will be saying, "God is a God of order....etc." And I COMPLETELY AGREE with you. What I find fascinating is that the preacher (at least from the different sources I've read), didn't have any agenda other than to bring the power of the Holy Spirit and lead people to the love of Jesus. Seymour even told his congregation, "Do not talk about the gift the tongues but talk about Jesus." That's it.
Now I know there are always things that are hidden and whatnot but I'm looking at this purely through the fruit it produced.
I could talk about this much longer but I'll save you my rant. (Ok maybe just a little more) I truly believe we need to BE REVIVAL and stop waiting for some sort of lighting from Heaven. God uses the hands and feet of His people to get things done. If we keep asking for revival when we are at church but are living our daily lives contrary to that asking then what good are we really? The whole purpose of revival is to renew, refresh, to bring life. If we are expecting the miraculous power of God to move shouldn't it start with our daily lives? Shouldn't we be looking in the mirror and asking God to revive US? Because let me tell you something, when YOU are revived and on fire for God, you can't help but glow to those outside. They don't know what it is that's different about you but YOU do. I truly believe that when we as believers decide to make a radical change in OUR own lives, the overflow with leak from us to the people we come into contact with and THAT is when revival will happen. That is when God will say, "Ok, let's do this". We aren't waiting on God, He is waiting on us. Christians who have been christians for years but have lost the flame will again find their First Love. The churches will be filled with Spirit-filled people of God who don't want to change the world because they are "supposed to" but because the love of God and His spirit are so beautiful and amazing that they can't help but want to BE the good news. We need to stop expecting God to do everything for us and take our authority in Christ seriously and realize our identity in Him. God is about taking us from the scum of the earth, loving us unconditionally sooooo much that we can't help but love Him and obey in return, us be filled with sooooo much genuine love that it pours out on others and so the cycle continues.
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Jesus really made it simple, people. We are the ones who make it complicated.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Feb 8th 2014
Here's the thing about going on your own. The moment my heart decided to leave my family and pursue God with Adam was one of the scariest moments of my life. Not because of Adam or because I don't trust him but because of me. Because whether I like it or not, I am and always have been prone to become a wallflower for protection. Blending in with those around me so as to not cause problems or draw too much attention to myself. This has been an issue for me my whole life. The only thing God asked me to do was to, "be myself". At the time I thought, "Ok, sounds easy enough." but it wasn't and still isn't. When you truly decide to follow the path God has for you and say "Screw you", to anyone who tells you it has to look a certain way.... it's well....hard. This is the journey I am embarking on at the moment. From the moment I started dating my boyfriend, everything around me went into a tizzy. Everything. My situation with my family and church, the way I viewed Christians, the way I viewed those less fortunate than myself, the way viewed myself... the way I related to people. Before Adam I thought that God's plan would involve the approval of all parties involved. And the truth is, that is a lie. God's plan most times will go against the grain of the religious and the prideful. They will not be able to make sense as to why I am leaving, or why I'm with Adam but that doesn't matter. And deep down I've known this but now that the Lord has made it clear, I'm much more confident.
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