Post for May

You're a shell of a man I used to know
Or maybe the shell was always there but you hid it really well
I always wanted to believe the best
Think of everything on the bright side
The best thing you did for me was show me Jesus
You're broken
Hell, we all are
But I have to say that if I didn't have God
I would be a complete wreck
Selling my soul for something that won't last
Piecing myself out to men just so I felt good enough
Even if just for a moment
But I don't
At 26 I truly understand that He will ALWAYS take care of me
I may not have a boyfriend or a husband to be there for the "manly" things
Fixing a car, lifting or moving something
Providing for my needs
But HE always provides
Through different avenues and different people
And I am ok with that
I'm MORE than ok with that
Because I've seen what not trusting in God looks like
What happens when you take your life into your own hands without seeking His face
And trusting that His plan and timing is best
Nothing good
And the consequences last a lot longer than the time it took to carry out that deed
It's time
My grandfather will be be measure of what a man should be
Sure, he's the kind of man you meet once in a lifetime
But that's all you need right?
ONCE
And until then
Well, and even then
I will trust in my Heavenly Father
While trying to keep that small innocent part me
Still innocent
Trying to keep that child-like heart alive
Burning with the truth of Jesus
NO ONE
Will steal that away
I don't care who tries to blow it out

Intrigue...

You are the definition of intrigue. From the outside, people may not see much. But I see you glowing. The light inside you seeps through your pores. You don't know it. You don't see it in yourself. I see it. We may never talk. After this season we may never see each other again. But I had to write about you. Dedicate a small piece of art to the inspiration you have given in just your presence. I am learning from you. By observing you. It's truly fascinating. It's a whole other world the language you speak. It's foreign and beautiful. You distract me from even the actors on the stage. Your hands they move like a swift well-oiled vehicle to interpret the language of the hearing for the language of the deaf. So although you will never read this, and this time of me knowing is short but sweet; thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

My gut feeling...

I can't believe
How much I've learned to hate
Being right
How strong my gut feeling
Has become
Impossible to ignore

Yay for me
Wo for you
No more tricking
Only truth
Yay for me
Wo for you
No more tricking
Only truth

With eyes wide open
Heart rightly guarded
How strong my gut feeling
Has become
Impossible to ignore

-Amber Torres

It is true what they say...

whoever they is. Only you can look out for you. When push comes to shove everyone is looking out for themselves. Now I know this sounds critical and not loving but I don't mean it that way. What I mean is, people only know what they know and THEIR experiences. When you are constantly depending on the approval of others to move forward with something in your life, you will never have the satisfaction of knowing it was JUST you and God. The sad truth is, people are only satisfied for a moment and when that passes they are on to the next thing. We need to find our satisfaction in God. He has no hidden agenda, no impure motives. Everything He asks of us in the end is for our own good. It will bring us the most joy. This is what I am learning. Everyone around me has an idea for my life. What I should be, the kind of person I should marry, the kind of job I should have, the color hair I should get etc. And well, I have an opinion about all those things as well! But my recent experience is that, when God gives me and leads into HIS will, everything else fades in comparison. Nothing else can hold a candle to the joy it gives me. The peace and bliss. So that is what I'm going to trust. No, not the ooey gooey feelings and goosebumps but the direction He is taking me. Because the things He has shown me and given me the honor to be a part of so far has been the most trying situations but when the fruit grows and gets plucked, all that other stuff is forgotten. So it is true what they say, whoever THEY is. Except they didn't take into account the creator of the Universe being on my side. Your Side.

Peace and Love

The moment you can breathe again

That moment when you let go of what you've known you needed to let go of for a long time but despite all the excuses you gave yourself (and him) you kept holding on. Thinking you knew better. You didn't. He does. The Big Man upstairs. I'm letting you go. And I feel like I can breathe again. Like all the things I've been telling these young girls is something I've been needing to listen to myself and I just didn't want to know it. But I do. And I am.

I miss you

I miss you
And I can't tell you
But in case you were wondering
I do

4/7/13

It seems so along
Since I've looked into your eyes
Since I saw your smile
And heard your laugh
How I miss it
How I miss you

The tears they start to well up
But my body won't let them fall
They won't fall because you won't call

I can't spend another tear on another man
Who doesn't care
No, I'm not angry
Nor am I mad
It's actually a healthy feeling
Because my head is clear
And my heart is in His hands

I am strong, beautiful woman
And I am patient
More then most
And God has made me promises
And He is not a man that He should lie