Where light shines the brightest

I was taking a walk tonight. Barefoot at 12:30. And as I was walking, I looked up at the sky and realized...as always, how amazingly beautiful and phenomenal they are. Then the Lord said, "go where it's darker". I said ok, so I walked a little bit further where there were no streetlights and looked up. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Light shines best in the dark. Ok, this may seem elementary to most but let's take it a little bit deeper. Let's say you had a bunch of flashlights all in one room turned on. You would probably take it for granted that there was light. But if you were in a pitch black room, and one light turned on, you would be immediately be relieved. There's a reason why Jesus didn't stay in the temple day in and day out. I mean, if you go through the entire new testament, you can count on one hand how many times Jesus being in the temple is mentioned. Granted, He was Jewish so he was more than likely brought up in the temple learning all the things a good Jewish boy would learn, and He IS the son of God so yes, there are a lot of exceptions. But the point is, Jesus' three years of ministry was 90% in the street with people who hadn't see the Light yet. He never changed the essence of who He was, the was so bright that everyone and everything He came into contact was affected by Him. Not the other way around. He didn't start His ministry until He was released to and after that, it was a done deal. It just gives me that much more of a reason (not that it should be this way) to follow what HE is telling me to do and to go when He releases me. Not when others think I'm ready, or even when I think I'm ready. Because everytime I think I'm ready, I see the scope it is and freak out a little bit. I am His servant and my life belongs to Him. To do with it what He so desires. Whatever that looks like.

I'll be a light in the dark places. Even if I'm the ONLY light there. I'll pray that the light of God rubs off.

You better move

When the people sleep at night
I'm making moves
Aint no one gonna stop
The flood that's coming soon.
The tide is gonna rip the foundation
You say you walk on
It's smooth?
For now you can put your head where your foundation is
But be careful
Keep it there too long
And you'll drown
The flood is coming
The tide is gonna rip your foundation
You better move

Orangelillypad

Feelings...

I know feelings are here for a reason but REALLY?
They have to come up at the most "not friendly" times
They make me feel irrational and crazy.
Then when you have one feeling, then another one likes to come along with it.
All I can think of is My Best Friend's Wedding baha
Well, that's all I can muster up right now.
I started crying and was like, "REALLY?! I haven't cried over something like this in a LONGGG time."

It too shall pass.

Dear John

How did Taylor Swift know? I don't know what hit me today but playing this song brought some stuff up. It rings very true. I love blogging. Again, there are layers of healing, and I just peeled back another layer.

Dear John

D                                                      G  
Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
D                                                G
Counting my footsteps praying the floor won't fall through again
        A                    D      A
And my mother accused me of losing my mind
G
But I swore I was fine

D                                                G
You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain
        D
And I lived in your chess game
                            G
But you changed the rules everyday
A                           D           A          G                       
Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone
Tonight
        A                            D          A            G
Well I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why

      D                                 G
Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
                           Bm           
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with
A                                G        (STOP)  
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
            D
I should've known
G

      D                                     G      
Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame
              D                                                 G 
Or maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away
       A                        D            A              G  
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
              A                       D                A        
And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said
        G
Run as fast as you can

      D                                 G
Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
                          Bm            
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with 
      A                          G
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
      D                             G
Dear John, I see it all now it was wrong
                          Bm                    
Don't you think 19's too young to be played by
      A                         G
Your dark twisted games when I loved you so
             D
I should've known

D  G

           Bm             
You are an expert at sorry
     A                
And keeping lines blurry
G
Never impressed by me acing your tests
        Bm           
All the girls that you've run dry
      A                  
Have tired, lifeless eyes
           G       
Cause you burned them out
       A                    D         A 
But I took your matches before fire could catch me
    G
So don't look now
     A                   
I'm shining like fireworks
G                    D
Over your sad empty town
  G      Bm    A G

       D                                   G
Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
                          Bm                    
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with
    A                             G 
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home  D
                              G
I see it all now that you're gone
                           Bm                      
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with
    A                        G
The girl in the dress wrote you a song
               D
You should've known
               G
You should've known.................(D)
                           G
Don't you think I was too young
               D
You should've known

Extern...

Since I've been externing for a week now there have MULTIPLE things I would like to share with others. Observations, pet peeves, randomness etc. I'll start with something that happened today and reverse it.

So I'm at extern and a lady brings a bird inside a box into the office, she didn't clip the wings and when she opened the box, of course the bird flew out. And where? Like all good windex commercials will tell you, into the clear window racing to freedom. Well, needless to say, the little bird flew into the window and died, leaving a remnant of death behind. The girl who let the bird out?...the pajaro killer.

Also, I'm going to be quite honest. I'm done with that "girl" who really ISN'T just a friend but somehow finds herself trying to help men find what they need in God to be healed. This hasn't happened recently but there is a gentleman who gets therapy, don't get me wrong, he's good looking, El Salvadorian, nice latin accent, early 30's...with a recent divorce and 2 kids. Don't get me wrong, I was raised by a dad and I think with him and my heavenly dad it worked out pretty well, but it wasn't that, he was broken and you could see it all over him. I really just wanted to let him talk about anything he needed to and get it to someone who isn't directly involved. Because really, we ALL need that! He said I looked familiar and asked if he went to church cuz well...that's where most people know me from and he said no, and directly started talking about why he hasn't and that he should etc. etc. Guys, a girl can and will see right through the facade if we want to. Sometimes we try to see ONLY the potential. I am numero uno guilty there. Ignoring what's actually happening and foreseeing something that hasn't and never did come to fruition. But I digress. He apologized for "talking too much" and I said for him not to apologize. I know he wants to take me out and get to know eachother but the best thing I can do is be an ear. I wish I could do that without any feelings or other motives being involved on the other side. Because believe me, I have. Anywho, he did say I was beautiful which is always nice to the ears when you're tired of wearing the SAME THING every day. :) Anywho, I'll be leaving in less than 2 weeks and I pray for him. Things are looking up but He needs the creator of LOVE. He's heartbroken. And a woman is only going to help that for a moment.

I had to post this beautiful thing God did for me today.

I've been needing some money to get a couple things done with my car and well...I'm in school not working. I got 10 bucks for playing drums yesterday and I knew I needed to sow some money. I usually would have bought some coffee etc. with it but I haven't gotten money recently and I wanted to give. So I was obedient and gave. Little did I know that I would go to my family's house, open my mouth about needing something and end up with 12x that amount!!! To God be the glory! I am so in awe of His faithfulness. Even when I am doing stupid stuff He is there like...ok Amber...sigh... I don't deserve it. I made some dumb decisions but that's the mercy. Needless to say, I really felt like this was another chance to get it right! Thank you Lord for not giving up on me. I am blessed to have Abba.

Long Time Coming

I believed every word

No matter what they said

I believed every word

Thought the best was to be had

When everyone around me

Tried to warn me

I refused to see it

I was too in love

Too blind

And unfortunately

You didn't love me

Your words lasted longer than I wish they had

The power I gave you 

Was bad bad bad

And my lack of confidence didn't help

Thinking you were the best 

I couldn't possibly risk losing you…

right?

You let me go

Without letting me know

Until one day you show up

The evidence on your neck…

what was I thinking

My heart sinking

I tried to stay mad but really…

I gave you the power.

And I finally took it away.

I am me. 

And I pray for your best

I have moved on.

You aren't the one.

Amen.