The Lord

is so good.

I went to a special service at a local church last night and I prayed for a girl there. The Lord had a lot to say to her and it seemed to hit home. Then I went back to my seat and He said to have her pray for me.

I was a little confused because I'd never done that before but I was obedient. When I walked up to her again she was like...huh? And I just said "trust what you're hearing". We stood there for a little bit and I told her there was no pressure. But I knew He was going to tell her something.

Sure enough she looks up at me and says, "I'm only getting one thing." And I say, "Ok! What is it?" And she says, "patience". I almost started crying. I didn't want to assume what the Lord was talking about as to patience with what or who but I do know that there are a few areas in my life right now that I don't understand.

Then we started talking and she was telling me who I helped her because the Lord tells her things but she doesn't always trust them. And this helped prove to her that she does hear the Lord clearly.

And I told her that she helped me because there are areas in my life, where I really felt strongly the Lord speaking to me, and it looks like things are almost going backward. I thought it was just my selfish thoughts and desires that I WANTED to be what the Lord said but when certain events occurred, I was dumbfounded. And by her saying that. It reminded me that I do hear the Lord. And in the case which I am talking about. The Lord would speak to me in times where I didn't want to have or hear anything to do with this situation. Believe me. To this day, I'm asking the Lord to remove things from my path because I'd rather have a clean start. But unfortunately, not happening so much. Besides. The Lord knows me better then me, and knows what's best for me.

He is so good. Because I stepped out in faith, a girl got confirmation, and because she got a little boldness and moved in it, she helped me tremendously.

It was crazy.

I think I'm going to start writing all my "God touching people in my path" encounters.
Not because I'm so great, but because HE is so great. To encourage people to step out and follow that deep call they hear but are afraid of.

I love you Lord.
Goodnight.

So...

Wow, how things change in a matter of a moment.

One moment this
And another moment that.

I thank God that I've never had a problem being single.
Sure everyone gets lonely once and awhile but that's normal.

I think because I'm young and haven't really experienced a lof of Amber that I really just want to be "selfish". Which really isn't selfish at all but good really. That I want to be comfortable in my own skin and own who I am and who God has created me to be rather then try and find that in someone else. Because I fell into that trap back in the day and it wasn't fun. I wasn't even Amber. Just a foggy version of her. I have learned a lot in my relatively short time here on this Earth and I thank God for it. That He's given me the wisdom to learn things from others as well as protecting me from a lot of things I could have easily done or become. What's funny is that people have no idea the struggles I go through just within my own skin. They see this goofy, smiling face who loves people but it's the girl who goes home and cries because she doesn't know what to do next or what people may think that they don't see.

He's doing a lot of healing in me. I see it. The best advice I've actually taken to heart is to KNOW...aka...not just believe in my head or have a picture of, but put into place and activate...who I am in the Lord. And having the balance of not shutting everyone out because I don't think they'll understand but giving people a chance. Not assuming what people will say or think but to just do it because I know that's what He's telling me to do.

Ask anyone I know and they'll say I'm bold. I don't know why it's easy for me to be that way when I know someone needs to hear something or the Lord is asking me to do something but when it comes to AMBER, it doubt it. And really, if I doubt his boldness FOR me that means I doubt His love and yeah, that just goes into way too much depth. It's like an equation really...and if you ask anyone...they'll tell you I hate math too. Haha

Not owning who I am in Christ = Not trusting His work = Not trusting Him= Not believing His love for me= Not accepting the Truth= Not able to grow and go where He wants to take me= Making me not able to accept love= Not able to give true love= sad waste of time because of insecurities that He NEVER put there but that I have grown accustomed to believe through a life's worth of continued disappointments through human beings who are faulty and NOT the CREATOR.

Yup. I could go on and on.

And you would think that because it SEEMS like I have a handle on the situation it would be fixed? That through ALL the times He has shown VISIBLY his MERCY KINDNESS GRACE FAVOR AND LOVE that I would be over all the lies...

I would be lying to you if I said I was. But I WILL tell you that I am working on it. NOt so much I am as much as I am ALLOWING Him to work with me.

He has a funny way of showing things to me and teaching me things. It works though.

For anyone who reads this, just know, that no matter how perfect someone's life looks, or how great and nice they seem, people are people. They pull up their pants the same way you do and they have the same God you do. It's what you CHOOSE to do with that insanely beautiful relationship that makes a difference.

You don't have to earn anything. Granted...you may feel like His love is too great for Him to just GIVE it away but He paid a price... it is difficult and you may wanna give up sometimes. Because I know I have. But look beyond what you see. He is ULTIMATELY in control. Ask Him to show you and He will.

LOVE.

Valentine's Day...

aka...

Singles Awareness Day.

So, I don't want to rant like so many other single women out there.
Well, One, because my heart isn't single
And two, it's really just another day to get fat lol

So... all these single ladies will go see a movie about valentine's day, and then eat sushi because you know what??? We are awesome and we can take ourselves out.

Wow, that's lame.

Oh freakin' well.

January 28, 2010

Wow.Wow.Wow.

More has happened this past month then the past year and a half combined. Be careful what you pray for haha. This is a year when God is moving and positioning people for the future and I CLEARLY see God doing that. I've had to get over my fears and because I'm just taking small steps, God is taking those small steps and making them miles.

I'm stepping out into things I've never had the confidence to do before. Things I was always afraid of.

I've always been afraid of truly being and showing the gifts God has given me for fear that I would be looked at as prideful or oh "she likes to be in front", but as I have recently learned, it has nothing to do with that.

It wasn't until I was willing to step out and show myself in the light that God has been able to show me a whole new world.

I'm starting a ministry, with lots of help of course. haha. Because I wouldn't know the first thing about it, but I'm learning that finding and knowing the right people and not being afraid to ask for help goes a LONG way.

And I've found a place I can play drums with someone who sees something in me that I've never really seen in myself for the simple fact that I am me. And that person is willing and wanting to help me be a phenominal drummer and musician as well as it being in a place for God.

It's insane. It's taken me awhile and now I can see why the people closest to me have been frustrated about where I've been because they've seen all of this in me but I havne't allowed the beast to be unleashed haha. And what's crazy??? I know there's a whole lot more to come.

I'm going to get in the WORD and stay grounded in my relationship with the Lord first and foremost. Because He is the one who has allowed me to do what I do. I need to know what He says about situations and things and look at them from new spiritual eyes. And take them for face value. I can do ALL things throught CHRIST who strengthens ME. And know that as I keep pursuing Him, my heart will grow ever closer to His and therefore the blessings and giftings, and genuinely helping people will follow.

So...this is January 28, 2010.
Get ready for the ride!

Day 3

So, today is day 3 of the Daniel Fast. It's been interesting. I'm asking God to help guide me through this because as much as everyone talked about what we are supposed to do, I'm still a little lost. I still have 18 days but I really want to make this count. I really am expecting God to do miracles and to reveal things about me and in me that I havne't dealt with or even seen yet. I'm trying not to look exausted even though I would love to stay in bed all day baha. I'm being productive. Applying to a bunch of different online programs so I can hopefully, somewhere, get the math class I need and move on. But such as everything...it takes time. And I need to send transcripts to all these schools so they know where I'm at. Hopefully, I don't have to go to these schools and retake the assesment test, but who knows. I just have to do what I have to do.

Dance Therapist...

So, I've been wondering what my purpose is supposed to be pretty much all my life. I love the arts but I also love helping people and have a gift of people feeling like they can open up to me. I didn't even know this job existed but it does. I'm still praying about it but a dance therapist. You need a Masters Degree for it but I know I can do it. IF this is what God has planned for me. It would be a perfect combo of creative and practical. Yeah...I'll keep praying and I know God will show me a sign or something :)

Having friends but losing my soul's desires isn't worth it.