Great Skin?

Picture this, a 10 year old girl dealing with pockmarks, pores the size of a crater and NO one to help guide her through the early awkward stages getting bullied on the bus on the way to school. That girl was me. Frizzy curly hair no one knew what to do with people my hair was different than everyone else in my family, and skin that was unruly. I was raised by my dad. God bless him, he did the best he could but hair and skin care wasn't his forte. 

Fast forward or more like... slow forward through my teens, twenties and early thirties not only dealing with my constant weight issues but also NEVER wearing anything that would show my back, arms, legs or my bare face. This last year, at 33 I decided to do a lot of research, spend a good deal of money, and trial and error a lot of things to get my skin to be a beautiful canvas for the makeup I love wearing.  

That's how it started. No foundation I tried would work, my face never looked the way I thought it should and I was constantly self conscious.  I am happy to say that although I haven't figured it all out because well... we ARE in the frigid of Winter and Summer will bring a whole new set of challenges, I'm happy with where I'm at. And you know how I got there? 

Besides loving how my own skin looked, a friend's mom I had just met out of nowhere said, "You have beautiful skin." I was in shock and didn't know how to take the compliment because it isn't one I've ever received before. I told here I was wearing makeup. I wear a pretty shear amount but I felt bad taking skin credit where makeup helped. She said, "Yes, but I know you have beautiful skin." I wanted to start crying, okay I cried on the inside. My whole life I've been so insecure about so many things. My weight, my skin, my hair, etc. etc. And here I was at 33 finally figuring out how to listen to my body and skin to make her the happiest. 

I wanted to write about this moment because it was important to me. It may not mean a lot to anyone else but it does to me and maybe someone who has dealt with skin issues or any other issue their whole life might read this and know there is hope. And by the way, there are great ways to do this WITHOUT spending tons of money. Picking and choosing what is worth it is where I'm at now. :) Wherever you are, you're loved. <3

Sudden Interest In Fashion

 The past week I have been binge watching fashion content and critics. I never in my life have been this interested. My aunts have always been fashionable and I've always been the complete utilitarian with a weird sense of "style". I've been pondering the idea of being into style because the scripture that keeps coming up in my head is, " Don't worry about what you will wear, what you will eat, drink etc." So does that mean that people who are chefs or wine makers can't be following God's will? I just keep thinking how I am finally understanding how fashion is wearable art and meant to express one's creativity or just how they feel. I was watching this fashion critic and he commented about a woman who was Christian and how he went to Catholic church every Sunday and never met anyone chic there. That really hit home. Why is it that there aren't more Christians in the fashion realm? The art realm? Is it because they are seen as vain pursuits? I believe so, but think about it. Anything can be turned into a vain pursuit. Working for a restaurant, factory, school etc. I think we as people put values on different jobs and careers when in reality, even the most "honorable" of professions can be vain if your heart isn't in the right place. All that to say, I love fashion. The wearable art, the extravagant costumy designs etc. are beautiful and sometimes mind bending and it's great and I refuse to apologize for enjoying it. That is all.

January 1st 2021

 Well, we made it. New Year's Day 2021. 

I got to spend time with my husband's family laughing, dancing, eating and enjoying each other's company. With so much going on I really am taking one day at a time and making the most out of it. Whatever that looks like that day. God works in mysterious ways and I am not going to ignore it. I am creative and there's no getting around it. Am I working in a very not creative job right now? Absolutely. But I am learning a lot and I know it's for a reason. Like anything else I know that everything is for a season. You know what I also realized? That there aren't a lot of Christians in many circles and that Christians usually just surround themselves with each other. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact the Bible instructs us to not forsake the gathering of the brethren. I also read about Jesus having dinner with people the high members of the Jewish faith found to be quite inappropriate. I've found the second half of this year that being a light in places where aren't any, although challenging, are also some of the most fruitful. Having conversations, listening to and praying for those in my circle who don't know the Lord yet but somehow, knowing I am Christian still want to have relationship with me is an honor and a privilege. That is what I'm learning this year. Whether it's at work, within family, an arts community etc. I am a beacon of hope and light through Jesus Christ. He died for all. I can't turn my back.

2020 in one post.

 Well, somehow I managed to log back into an account that I haven't logged into for almost 4 years and wow, more than a lot has happened. I'm married to the love of my life. We adopted a dog, I'm working at a lawn equipment repair shop AND we're in a stretch of something called COVID 19. Lockdowns started pretty much the weekend of my birthday this year and we've been wearing masks in public ever since. People have lost lives, lost businesses, lost a norm that many aren't quite sure will ever come back. Thank God, Sammy and I have both kept jobs and even worked extra. Travel plans have definitely changed and I haven't gotten to see my family in California but I know it's for the best. We're still in the middle of it but there is a vaccine now and God has kept us. Oh, and I haven't even mentioned the CRAZIEST Presidential election I've ever seen. So much divisiveness even within my own family. People are still contesting who won. It was too much and I've been off of social media beside YouTube for a couple of months now. I know I'll eventually go back but I needed a break. I know this post doesn't have proper thoughts all fleshed out but well... welcome to 2020. 

What do I expect for 2021? I don't really know but I do know that I'm excited for whatever comes because my life is in God's hands and who else better? Oh and I'll be 34 next year. 

Things I've learned:

1. My  new favorite nail polish brand.

2. That as much as I like the idea of blonde hair, this dark hair is constantly at war with it. We'll see what 2021 brings.

3. That having a dog is a beautiful responsibility.

4. More Spanish.

5. That sometimes listening to the Bible is easier to process than reading it.

6. That although few and far between, I will find people who believe in me; sometimes more than I believe in myself.

7. That having a business is something I may one day have on a steady basis but after making this banner today, I think I need to just create art with no agenda. 

8. Just because I'm not leading worship in the traditional sense that I've done all my life doesn't mean my life isn't worship and that God and the angels don't listen when I worship alone. 

9. That being married is an ongoing journey that gets sweeter with time.

10. Life is short. Always leave people better than you found them. 

On the eve of my 30th Birthday and against my better judgment...

Well, today is my last day of being in my 20’s…

What have I learned? A lot.

I’ve learned that people will come and go and how not too be too harsh on any one person because everyone is doing the best they know how. I’ve learned that as much as I thought I was lost and didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing, it’s been in me before I was born because that’s the way God does things. I’ve learned that I am different. That the way I choose to live my life isn’t the way most others I know have chosen and I am content with that. I’ve learned that a good credit score is important and to keep in contact with old landlords so you can get the apartment you actually want. I’ve learned that talking less and listening more is truly my favorite thing. I really do love listening to people talk about what they are passionate about and/or what is hurting them. I’ve learned that the devil will use the people closest to you to create the most amount of chaos. I’ve learned that saying, “I’m sorry” even though I may not have been in the wrong and truly meaning it is better than carrying on some weird unspoken energy that creates more problems and misunderstandings than it’s worth. I’ve learned how to shut my mouth when I feel like I have every right to vindicate myself and prove that I am but by the awesome power of the Holy Spirit…don’t. I’ve learned what I want out of life and that no one is going to make that happen for me and that nothing happens overnight. I’ve learned that I want my life to be marked by kindness and truth. That’s the legacy I want to leave. I’ve learned that every day I get to see children and make a positive influence in their life when their mom is going to jail for doing drugs and won’t see them for a year. I’ve learned that I’m not here to get better at anything for Amber but to fulfill the plan God has set before me. I’ve learned that this walk is straight and narrow and many people don’t want to walk it. Everyone wants to talk about it but when push comes to shove and the real work has to start, no one wants to be there. I’ve learned that I’m not a good friend. I don’t keep in touch, I have every means to and could make the time but I don’t. And I have yet to really find out the truth of why. I’ve learned that my life makes noise. But I want my life to make good noise. The noise that disrupts darkness and pauses the energies of those who would knowingly or unknowingly try to bring something else. I’ve learned A LOT about love and loss. I’ve loved much and I’ve lost much but I wouldn’t change anything. The kind of lover I am now because of what I’ve learned and the traps I’ve let myself get caught in have created a new awareness of me. I am sensitive. I am empathetic. I feel everything. My greatest desire is to leave any situation better than when I came into it. Especially with people. 

Relationships…

I’ve learned that I cannot fix anyone. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. And I’ve learned that it’s exhausting trying to fix someone and that I don’t have the energy to put out any more to do so. I’ve learned that not everyone needs to know every facet of every part of my life to be honest and true. Ive learned that laughing is my favorite and that it can instantly change the mood of a room or a person. I’ve learned that yes, I am a coffee snob but because regular type folk are mere mortals and can’t always have my perfectly temped caramel macchiato waiting for me, I’ve learned to deal. (Joking but…not?)

I’ve learned that peace is something nothing can buy and truly no one can bring except Jesus Christ. That Jesus has to be the center of it all or else the all quickly collapses into a very dark oblivion. I’ve learned that I love Asian food best and that I’m not going to give up my culture just because I live in a place or with people who don’t understand why I do the things I do. I’ve learned that I’m not the neatest person on earth or probably even on the block but that my organized chaos is good enough for me and I take care of things when I need to. I’ve learned to stop ignoring my gifts that God has given me because if I’m here to bring truth and kindness to people and they feel that when I play or sing, why would I NOT do that. I’ve learned that I can overlook  A LOT of faults for a person who is genuinely authentic, kind, loving, raw and seeking God’s face. I’ve learned that Zumba is not a thing God wants me to spend my excess time in, meaning to make money. (This is something I've gone back and forth with for a few years.) I’ve learned that curly hair is my favorite and that as much as I love red hair, it isn’t something in the cards and I’m learning to be OK with that. I’ve learned that I love children. Young people in general. I’ve learned that they like me too for the most part, although there are always exceptions. I’ve learned that I really enjoy tutoring. I don’t know if I like it better than teaching a full classroom but I do enjoy the instant gratification of when the light bulb turns on for a kid who has really had a hard time learning something. I’ve learned that I like being on time. I’ve learned that respecting others’ time is very important because it is finite and you can never get it back.

I’m still learning how to take things slowly. To be patient. To not avoid people. To be totally honest when I know it will bring conflict. I’m still learning sooo much. THAT list could go on forever.

Almost so long, 20’s. Hello, thrilling 30’s.

I'm actually excited...

On this fine evening, the 30th of December 2016, the Eve Eve of the New Year I thought I'd share my outing today. I found recipes for the Mediterranean diet including some of my FAVORITE greek foods including: garlic spread, pita bread, chicken kabobs, brown rice, hummus... I am beyond excited because I will get to once again eat the way my body enjoys and be mentally healthy again. Ok, I wasn't super mentally unstable but I was definitely getting there. Working as a lunch lady does NOTHING for one's health goals. (Believe me, I was in it for 6 months) Anywho, I also acquired some containers for my wares and I can't wait to start cooking again and try new things. I'm going to purchase some cd's tomorrow to burn for my Zumba music and maybe a small cd player so I can start rehearsing my dances for classes I want to start teaching. Well, that is the excited for the evening. P.S. the latest Star Trek movie was AMAZINGGGG!!! I think it was, "Beyond", and that my friends, it truly was.

Goodnight interweb.

2017 New Year's Resolutions...

Yes, so I am the typical cynically minded person who doesn't partake in New Year's Resolutions but my boyfriend took the "hype" out of it and well, here I am about to publicly post them so that in a year from now, I can have evidence of what I wrote down and I suppose the interweb public to keep me accountable (for whatever that is worth).

1. Finish writing a song, completely.
2. Create a reading list for the year and complete it.
3. Workout and eat healthy like I love my body.
4. Blog every day.
5. Finish the Bible in a year.
6. Dedicate myself to piano/vox
7. Run a fun 5k


These are all I have for now, I suppose I can edit this later :)

Something different

There's something different about you. I know I've said it before about different people and the truth is that everyone is different from the everyone else but... truly. There is so much mystery about you that I get to peek into every time we spend time together and it never ceases to amaze me the beautiful soul you are. You sense my hesitation and are bothered by it. But you see, if you only knew my past and where I've come from. The boys I've dealt with. The struggle of being fine with just being me. I know it sounds cliche but I am an adapter. I would never think to admit it in the past but I can now and it has freed me. God is using you to free me. Your existence in my life is freeing me to slowly understand that there is someone who will genuinely, authentically care for me as I am and love in despite of and in spite of my baggage. Being with you has made me want to be the best version of me. Not because I feel like I need to change but because with you I feel like I can be the greatest version of myself and you would never flinch your devotion. My worries have never truly been that I wouldn't be good enough, it was always that if I wholly devoted myself to the things I love most, that everyone would think that I am too much. (As if they didn't already) That my successes and promotions from God in this life would be emasculating to whoever I was with. This was my history. And I had resigned myself to the fact that in order to be with someone, I would never reach my full potential, and you've proved me wrong. Thank you.

Create

Creation
Isn't it something strange that we are created things that have the ability to create something out of nothing except a picture, or idea in our brain? Creating. I want to create beautlifully raw, authentic, thought-provoking, brain stretching things. I don't know if that will be through music, poems, art, writing or any of the other countless things people choose to express themselves through and with. This election has united a new violent front of people who will now go and even be more in force than they were before. That's what adversity usually does. If something doesn't work out, especially somethin ghuge like this, it will either cause people to give up, become violent or be more passionate about their causes. That is something I want the church to find again. Before the presidency I hadn't seen so many people fasting and praying for the future of this nation and now that we got the desired result, I fear that the apathy may come back and now is just the beginning. We can't stoppursuing and being active in prayer and community and in spenind time with the Lord.

I want to create something or a series of somethings that people who don't know Christ can look at or listen to and respect it. Ask me questions and open doors for me to show them the truth and love of Jesus Christ. Because the world has no fear or inhibitions in what they do and are praised for it. I want praise only from my heavenly Father fand through that the people will be ministered to.

Ok, late night/early morning thoughts on 11/13/16 complete

Phew

There's something about the way you look at me. I don't know if I've seen that look before. Never has there been someone with no physical motive to care about me and be attracted to all the facets of my personality at one time. Is that what that look looks like? It's beautiful! I kinda sly away from it because it's so foreign and I'm afraid that if I look too long that it will disappear just like all of my favorite specialty drinks or foods at my favorite restaurant. I push you away. I think I hear one thing and I'm so confused sometimes and you just take it all in stride and never get angry, raise your voice or even make me feel like I'm being too emotional. You accept it, take it all in and even say that it's ok! What? It's ok for me to come into my fullness as a woman and feel things? Wait, not just feel them but express them in ways I don't even understand? There's got to be a shoe dropping around here somewhere. Well, I wouldn't call it a shoe dropping but I will say that with all your beauty, empathy, and compassion comes your humanity as well. This obsession I'm having over your humanity and whether or not it's something I can or want to deal with is something I can only describe as, "A sad bi-product of seeing the best in too many people only to find out they had no intention of seeing it themselves." The pressure and secret whispers I imagine from my family, friends and others are always there to taunt me and make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Seeing the wrong person. And I guess after all these years I kind of did start to believe that what I wanted looked a certain kind of way but when I get a glimpse into what that looks like, I can't stand it. It's a beautiful thing and there are relationships that are made for the loud public arena with his face being seen by many but is that what I want? I've lived that life. The life under the microscope. The granddaughter of so and so and the daughter of the music minister. I just want to be the wife to the man God has made me the perfect help mate for. The man who will make me more like Christ in all the easy lovin' and tough lovin' type of ways. A man who feels like home when I'm overwhelmed and want to hide in the corner and cry. A man who loves God so much that He fears Him and cherishes me because I am a daughter of the King. A compassionate man. A soulful man. An artist. A man of God.

Charm Man

I wore you around my neck today. This little charm that only charms me because it reminds me of the innocence of our time. Of living life outside of mine. You have one just the same and it's so strange that we are this close but so far. How cliche. The short amount of time I've known you I have yet to see you be anything or anyone other than who you are and the fact that you know yourself well enough to keep a distance to protect me is something I could never forget no matter what happens. THAT is love. Forsaking your fleshly desires and even ones that aren't fleshly and looking out for what's best for the other person. That's a new feeling to conceive. I'm always the one giving something up for what I think is the betterment of that person or changing myself to make someone "happy". You don't put that on me. You've never put that on me. I keep wanting to push you and your charm away because of imaginary reasons I create and blow up in my head but when I look at the facts, there isn't anything that has made me want to change for the worse, pull me away from God, or compromise my integrity. And THOSE three things have always been my downfall. I care too much. You see it. You may see it more clearly than anyone else ever has or ever will, beside my Maker of course. And you never take my kindness for granted. Thank you, charm man. Even though where we lie is in the in-between, it's peaceful there because God is in control.

-A.E.Torres

Hmmm...

Tears, dust, rust I wish there were more people I could trust. Crust, musk, dusk, the way I feel about humanity has shifted in the night and there is nothing i could have done to change that. I was set in my ways. jaded, unpersuaded. laughable, totally and utterly fallible. I was who I was and no one had the right to know what I thought nor did I find it necessary to explain myself because no one cared to ask. Keep your thoughts to yourself i thought. Maybe one day you'll meet someone who is willing to let go of the shores of shallow pools and dive into the depths where the stars and skies lie.

The stars and skies. a great pool of matter that floats, being conducted by an unseen force telling it where to go, how long to stay, and when to re shape itself. Stars, giant balls of concentrated gas that have a specific lifespan that we will never get to fully see because we are so finite. Maybe in heaven we'll get the chance to see a star from it's beginning to the end in real time because time won't exist right?

-Amber Torres

My thoughts on mainstream music...

I always thought because I am an avid lover of the noun: music, that I would always keep up with what is popular no matter if it was during my youth or not. Well, that isn't the case. I have found that the older I get, the less I listen to the radio unless it's NPR or some other indie type program because I really can't grasp the idea of the lyrics in today's mainstream music. Let me preface that by saying how when I listen to music that was really popular when I was a kid, I think, "Wow, that is NOT a good song and I can't believe I listened to it." I enjoy the meanings of songs now. Sure I am a sucker for the occasional catchy tune that is about a break up or something of the like but in my core, I like words.

There is a lot of great music that is still coming out right now but since the question referred to "mainstream" that is what I will address. The musicality of some of it is interesting but as a whole it is all starting to sound the same and relay the same message. NO MESSAGE.

I love the sound of...

Children laughing. There's nothing sweeter to me than a joyful child. A child who is still in the innocence of life and is oblivious to the hell they will face the longer they exist. Isn't that sad? Isn't it sad to think that the less time in which we exist is almost equivalent to the innocence we keep and the longer we're alive, the more jaded we become? Why is that. Why does that have to be the broad stroke picture of our lives? Maybe there are some of you out there who kept your innocent thoughts and childlike laughter far longer than I and I am envious of it. It is only God who has redeemed that innocence of my mind and given me back my childlike spirit. When I laugh, I laugh full-heartily. I refuse to hold back on account of someone else being uncomfortable with it. It's laughing, people; get over it. So yes, the sound of children laughing is one of my favorite sounds.

Babes and Lilies

The actual reality of our smallness is so much more exciting than the idea of us being the center of our own worlds. Having the constant reminder that we are merely a lily in the field, once here only to be gone again should keep us grounded. A lily is no small thing. I stars from a tiny seed, only to be dropped or planted in a field and has no control over how much it gets watered, how much sun it gets, where it's planted, how long it lives and what its purpose it. It just exists.

I know I know, the comparison of  a flower to how we should be living our lives seems asinine because we are thinking, feeling creations in the image of the almighty God but do you think anything was done without a reason? When we are born, we don't get to pick what kind of household we would grow up in. We don't get to decide what era, ethnicity, hair color, eye color etc. we would be given. At a young age we really don't get to decide what we eat or drink either. And you know what? We never worried about it. We weren't even aware that anything bad could happen because we had been protected and taken care of for 9 months in the womb, regardless of how well our biological mothers were great during pregnancy or not.

We weren't aware that there was any other way to live. We couldn't even think of anything other than what was right in front of us. Sure, as a baby we pick up environmental stimuli, voices, images etc. that can start shaping who we may become.

What happened? Life happened. Life happened and there was no training manual on how to get through it. Divorce, poverty, bullying, depression, anxiety, confusion... no one explains anything. They just expect you to understand and deal because that is what their parents did to them. I don't know what I would do without Jesus saving me and imparting His Holy Spirit into my soul so that there would be some sort of guide to help me and comfort me along the way of life. Otherwise, the choice would be to listen to the world and what they say and I don't know if you've noticed but that isn't going over so well for them. No answers they think they have are truly creating an impact or change that is lasting.

The lily. I want to go back to the mindset of a lily. I want to rely so heavily on God that I wouldn't know, understand or even comprehend life any other way. I know that when I ask that though that it means that I have to not only give up this carnal way of thinking but that I will have to contantly put away the sounds of doubters, naysayers, and the devil himself to keep it up. When nothing looks like it's happening in the natural but I know and can count on the character of my God, I will still praise Him and know that He is never late. I want to go back to never worrying about anything but be in prayer and supplication about everything. Why worry? Worry is a sin.

We worry because God isn't as tangible sometimes (or most times) as we would like Him to be. We know He is a Spirit being out there in the heavens but to have Him actually sitting right next to you or eating dinner with you is something completely different. I know it shouldn't be but that is the reality of our human nature. The fall. The distance sin and unrighteousness put between us and our Creator.

We can go back to the TRUE good ol' days. My only answers to get to this level with the Lord are to pray, obey, and be in His Word.

I want to be a helpless babe, a swaying lily in the field, unaware that anything but God's truth and character would be in my mind.

Tonight I got a word...

I need to listen to it again because I was trying to understand it in the moment and I couldn't. Well, that was an interesting post.

Random

Well, I don't exactly know what I'm going to write about so we shall see what proceeds forth.
I sang tonight with my dad which is usually fine but I was getting all irritated which I usually don't about things I already know he does that shouldn't surprise me. I didn't have the right attitude for worship and tried to pray before and get into the presence but I'll be honest and say that it mostly just me singing. (Which is one of the top things I hate most)

After service people were kind and nice telling me and my dad how good we sounded together yadda yadda. He didn't do or say anything weird, it's always other people. Oh you raised her right and all that. Eventually someone said well I've only been here for this many years so it was all him and I said, it was all God. I have a problem with anyone including me taking credit for anything good that I am. If me, the human being with a choice doesn't take credit for making the decision to follow Christ, then it sure means that no one else should get that credit either.

Am I pms'ing? Probably lol I just had to vent for a second

August 8th 2016

Wow, today is Monday the 8th and the first day at my new job as the newest lunch lady at Blue Eye High School. I'm really excited about it actually. And guess what? It's raining!!! Gahhh, the Lord knows what He's doing and every time I question Him He comes through and I just think about how silly it was that I didn't listen or trust Him the first time. Wanna know something else? I don't think I've met my husband yet.

There have been a couple of ideas or possibilities here and there but the more I get to know people and hear what comes out of their mouth, the less likely of a possibility it seems. I'm really glad that I didn't do anything in a rush and that things can be normal because I couldn't handle any more awkward.

Wow, it's pouring down rain.

Anywho, I got to sing with my dad yesterday at church and the Holy Spirit was so sweet and moved on the congregation and the whole spirit of the place was different. Thank you Pappa for that.

I'm on a new adventure and even though it's been being prepared for awhile, I feel like today is the new beginning. I'm in awe of what my life is because well, I don't even know exactly what it is. Oki, I'm gonna go take a shower and get ready for my first day of work.

Smile. :)

8/2/16

The wisdom of this world is dismal
And the depth of their understanding is like a shallow pool for dogs
They can only re-wrap the packaging
Of lies that have been told
Lies millennia old

Stop trying to convince me that your way is best
Because I've tried it and its left me empty and left...
Over and over again the cheap, plastic facade cracks
Can't you see it?
Can't you feel it?

You know you never feel quite at peace
You know you're still looking for a safe place to rest your feet
You know your soul is still unrested and turmoil
beckons your attention

You fight not to give in
You try to will yourself to let it go
But with every 3 steps forward
It's only a matter of time before you take 5 steps back
And most assuredly you look around and there you are again
And there you will always be...

- A.E. Torres

First Residential Downpour...

So, this is kind of epic to me. I am obsessed with rain. I guess when you grow up for 25 years in a place that only rains 3 or 4 times a year it is like the abominable snowman. It doesn't really exist unless you see it.

Right now I'm sitting in my kind of room in Blue Eye Missouri and experiencing some downpour of the likes I've neverrr seen in California. It's crazy!! I had to document this because with the thunder, dark clouds and rain, I am the happiest girl. <3 a="" able="" be="" but="" by="" did="" glad="" had="" happen="" high="" i="" if="" in="" interview.="" interview="" it="" job="" kitchen="" local="" lord="" mention="" of="" p="" s="" school="" that="" the="" to="" was="" way="" will="" work="" yesterday="">
Ok, I am just overjoyed right now and can't even handle myself. THIS is why people don't pay for water. :)

Thank you Lord.