Well, today is my last day of being in my 20’s…
What have I learned? A lot.
I’ve learned that people will come and go and how not too be
too harsh on any one person because everyone is doing the best they know how.
I’ve learned that as much as I thought I was lost and didn’t know what I was
supposed to be doing, it’s been in me before I was born because that’s the way
God does things. I’ve learned that I am different. That the way I choose to
live my life isn’t the way most others I know have chosen and I am content with
that. I’ve learned that a good credit score is important and to keep in contact
with old landlords so you can get the apartment you actually want. I’ve learned
that talking less and listening more is truly my favorite thing. I really do love
listening to people talk about what they are passionate about and/or what is
hurting them. I’ve learned that the devil will use the people closest to you to
create the most amount of chaos. I’ve learned that saying, “I’m sorry” even
though I may not have been in the wrong and truly meaning it is better than
carrying on some weird unspoken energy that creates more problems and
misunderstandings than it’s worth. I’ve learned how to shut my mouth when I
feel like I have every right to vindicate myself and prove that I am but by the
awesome power of the Holy Spirit…don’t. I’ve learned what I want out of life
and that no one is going to make that happen for me and that nothing happens
overnight. I’ve learned that I want my life to be marked by kindness and truth.
That’s the legacy I want to leave. I’ve learned that every day I get to see
children and make a positive influence in their life when their mom is going to
jail for doing drugs and won’t see them for a year. I’ve learned that I’m not
here to get better at anything for Amber but to fulfill the plan God has set
before me. I’ve learned that this walk is straight and narrow and many people
don’t want to walk it. Everyone wants to talk about it but when push comes to
shove and the real work has to start, no one wants to be there. I’ve learned
that I’m not a good friend. I don’t keep in touch, I have every means to and
could make the time but I don’t. And I have yet to really find out the truth of
why. I’ve learned that my life makes noise. But I want my life to make good
noise. The noise that disrupts darkness and pauses the energies of those who
would knowingly or unknowingly try to bring something else. I’ve learned A LOT
about love and loss. I’ve loved much and I’ve lost much but I wouldn’t change
anything. The kind of lover I am now because of what I’ve learned and the traps
I’ve let myself get caught in have created a new awareness of me. I am
sensitive. I am empathetic. I feel everything. My greatest desire is to leave
any situation better than when I came into it. Especially with people.
Relationships…
I’ve learned that I cannot fix anyone. Only the Holy Spirit
can do that. And I’ve learned that it’s exhausting trying to fix someone and
that I don’t have the energy to put out any more to do so. I’ve learned that
not everyone needs to know every facet of every part of my life to be honest
and true. Ive learned that laughing is my favorite and that it can instantly
change the mood of a room or a person. I’ve learned that yes, I am a coffee
snob but because regular type folk are mere mortals and can’t always have my
perfectly temped caramel macchiato waiting for me, I’ve learned to deal.
(Joking but…not?)
I’ve learned that peace is something nothing can buy and
truly no one can bring except Jesus Christ. That Jesus has to be the center of
it all or else the all quickly collapses into a very dark oblivion. I’ve
learned that I love Asian food best and that I’m not going to give up my
culture just because I live in a place or with people who don’t understand why I
do the things I do. I’ve learned that I’m not the neatest person on earth or
probably even on the block but that my organized chaos is good enough for me
and I take care of things when I need to. I’ve learned to stop ignoring my
gifts that God has given me because if I’m here to bring truth and kindness to
people and they feel that when I play or sing, why would I NOT do that. I’ve
learned that I can overlook A LOT of
faults for a person who is genuinely authentic, kind, loving, raw and seeking
God’s face. I’ve learned that Zumba is not a thing God wants me to spend my
excess time in, meaning to make money. (This is something I've gone back and forth with for a few years.) I’ve learned that curly hair is my
favorite and that as much as I love red hair, it isn’t something in the cards
and I’m learning to be OK with that. I’ve learned that I love children. Young
people in general. I’ve learned that they like me too for the most part, although there
are always exceptions. I’ve learned that I really enjoy tutoring. I don’t know
if I like it better than teaching a full classroom but I do enjoy the instant
gratification of when the light bulb turns on for a kid who has really had a
hard time learning something. I’ve learned that I like being on time. I’ve
learned that respecting others’ time is very important because it is finite and
you can never get it back.
I’m still learning how to take things slowly. To be patient.
To not avoid people. To be totally honest when I know it will bring conflict.
I’m still learning sooo much. THAT list could go on forever.
Almost so long, 20’s. Hello, thrilling 30’s.
